


Holding On, and Letting Go

by felicialovescats



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, M/M, Omega in Hiding, Past Abuse, other characters are here but not as important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 33,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26358412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felicialovescats/pseuds/felicialovescats
Summary: Hanzo had always kept his gender a secret. He lived his life in a lie, and he was comfortable with that. He was doing quite well with himself, even finding a partner who he could grow to love.But when secrets cannot remain secret anymore, Hanzo needed to learn what to hold onto for dear life, and what to let go.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada
Comments: 3
Kudos: 154





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a two chaptered thing - I'll post up the second chapter soon :)
> 
> Enjoy!

One of the best memories that Shimada Hanzo had of his father happened when he was sixteen.

Coincidentally, it was also one of his worst memories of his father, so he tried not to think much about the memory at all.

Because on that day, he was given something that he had always wanted ever since he started really spending time with his father – a praise. But attached to the praise was the fact that because of what he was, in his father’s eyes, he will never match up to what he wanted for a son.

It was a praise, but it was the only thing he was worthy of.

‘I’m proud of you, in spite of _what you are’,_ the last three words was said in disgust. It was masked well, and if Hanzo was paying just a little less attention, he would have accepted that praise as a praise it was disguised as.

But he had, in fact, heard it. And on that day he finally realised, and acknowledge the fact that he will never get the recognition he yearned from the man he respected.

All because four years before, he had presented as an Omega. The lowest of the low, something that the Shimada family should be ashamed of.

Something that he himself was ashamed of.

* * *

When Hanzo first arrived at Gibraltar he knew what to expect. Overwatch was, in a sense, Genji’s home, after he was chased out from his previous one. He knew that most of them knew exactly how Genji became the way he was now. And the new ones would have heard it from them.

So the hostility was not a surprise at all.

He came here to redeem himself, and to try his best to rekindle, reconnect with his brother. The brother who he had thought dead for the last ten years. In that sense, he only needed to interact with Genji, and Winston, the talking gorilla who seemed to be the leader of Overwatch.

The rest? As long as they were civil towards him, and concentrated during missions, Hanzo found himself unable to care.

After the first introductions to the team, he was given a room. And there he stayed for the first three days, coming out only for food. He was approached only by Genji, who made it his mission to at least get his brother to eat with the rest of the team once a day.

The team was civil to him, but it was obvious that they did not know how to act around him, especially since Genji himself seemed nonchalant about his presence. Some of them fluctuate between hidden hostility and indifference. Only the new members greeted him with a little warmth, and that was lost a few days later when they found out about him.

Hanzo couldn’t care less about them. Let them think whatever they want, as long as he was left alone.

It was during the fifth day that Genji finally brought something up. Hanzo was both surprised and not. He knew the topic would come soon, but not this soon.

‘Brother.’

They were both at a hideout that Genji showed him on the first day he arrived. It was at a high vantage point where when the sun rises, its warmth would reach there first before enveloping the rest of Gibraltar. A hard place to reach, only the Shimada brothers could climb the cliff with ease. A cave, where one can watch the waves moving in, yet the sound was muted by distance.

It was the perfect spot for meditation. And the perfect spot for the brothers to talk without being overheard.

Hanzo hummed, indicating his attention, even though he kept his eyes closed and his face towards the setting sun. Absorbing its warmth, not unlike a reptile.

‘I’ve noticed that you are still wearing a Beta scent.’

Hanzo waited for the continuation, but received none. The silence was stifling, expecting him to fill it. After a while, he did.

‘Yes. I have continued to use suppressants.’

An easy way out. Hanzo could have told him so much more. He could explain himself. Why, even after escaping the clutches of his clan that looked down on Omegas, he still insisted on hiding his gender. Even though the world outside the Shimada clan was much more favourable to Omegas.

But he kept his silence. He did not have any reason to say these to his brother. There was no point.

Even after years, his brother still understood him, understood his silence. Genji didn’t pry more, only nodded. But he did leave him a piece of advice.

‘Overwatch isn’t like the Shimada clan, _anija,_ towards Omegas _._ And if anything happens, Dr. Ziegler will help you. She will understand.’

Hanzo knew what he meant. Overwatch had a mix of genders, and it was almost balanced between Alphas, Betas, and Omega. Unlike other military-based organizations, they do not discriminate against Omegas. Ana was a prime example, a feisty Omega, yet not looked down upon, but respected, revered. Dr. Angela Ziegler, an Omega healer. Everyone trusted her to heal them without a problem, without nit-picking at her faults and mistakes.

Nobody said that they have done well in their jobs _despite_ being an Omega. Despite being the weaker ones among them.

‘I will keep that in mind, brother.’ Hanzo nodded, and the conversation ended. Genji excused himself back to the main building, leaving Hanzo alone, trying to return to the calm state of meditation.

Hanzo looked down at his hands, his thighs, his prosthetic legs, his arms, his clothed stomach. None of them screams Omega – he had done everything he could to avoid that, ever since he had presented. Muscles, signifying strength. Blisters, wounds, prosthetics, signifying imperfection.

The less that reminded the clan about his gender, the better.

He had done this, did everything he could to hide anything that was the stereotype of Omega ever since he knew what he was. He was trained to be a Beta by a family that was ashamed of his true gender. He trained, he worked out. Because he must be the cold killer that all Shimada _thought_ an Omega cannot be.

Then later, afterwards. After Genji, then the fall of Shimada. He didn’t need to do so, but he kept it up. It was because- it was a habit, and it made him felt safe. That was all the comfort he could have, amidst unfamiliar towns and hostile enemies all around.

He will not be the Omega that his father, the elders thought he was. He was more than that. He was more than his heats, his hormones.

He came here to reconcile with his brother, to seek forgiveness (even though his brother had insisted that he was forgiven, but- he had not forgiven himself). He came here to redeem himself.

His gender was of no importance.

* * *

His teammates finally started to warm up to him after Hanzo’s first mission with them, a few weeks after he arrived at Gibraltar.

They learned that no matter how cold he seemed to be, how anti-social he was, he took his responsibilities very seriously, and most of them came out of it unscathed. Only one suffered a bullet to his shoulder, and when they had returned to the base, Dr. Zieger had brought him back to her med-bay.

Hanzo went to the wards for a visit.

Jesse McCree was laying in the bed, bantering with the doctor when he got there. Mercy was looking at his wounds, and it seemed that the cowboy would be alright after some rest.

‘Just no harsh training for a few days. And come back three days later.’

‘Will do, doc.’

The man still had that ridiculous hat on his head, and he tipped it when he noticed Hanzo at the door.

‘Howdy, what brings you here?’ It wasn’t hostile, a change from the first few weeks Hanzo met the man. It was not welcoming either, but only a simple question.

The comment made the doctor turn her head, and her look of surprise at seeing him there made Hanzo bowed his head a little in greeting.

‘I only wished to see if you are well, McCree.’ A gaze from head to toe told him that the cowboy was fine, with only one wound on his shoulder. Hanzo nodded to himself. ‘As you seemed to be well, I will leave you.’ He nodded to him and to the doctor as a greeting, and left.

Behind him, he could hear the man gave a confused ‘Huh?’, and Dr. Ziegler’s thoughtful hum. Then he was far enough to not be able to hear them, and he headed for his room.

He had wanted to apologise for his ineffective defense. He was supposed to protect them from harm during the mission, and he had failed. But he could not bring that topic up when Dr. Ziegler was there.

It felt- Weird, that the doctor should be privy to the conversation. But it was of no matter, Hanzo will just have to find the cowboy later and apologise.

But later, the knock on his room door surprised him, and the person behind the door gave him more shock.

‘McCree?’

‘Yep. Mind if we talk?’ The man gestured behind him to the walkway. ‘The kitchen be empty now, in any case.’

Hanzo kept silent, observing the man.

He didn’t know much about McCree, just that he used to know Genji back before the first time OverWatch disbanded. He was a good shooter, his slangs and language were confusing for someone like Hanzo, and his fashion taste was really ridiculous. If Hanzo was more familiar to the man, he would have teased him about the hat, the belt, the… _serape?_ A long time ago. As it was, he kept silent about his opinions.

After a beat, Hanzo nodded to McCree’s question and took a step forward, closing the door behind him. The way to the kitchen was silent, except for the man’s distracting spurs.

‘Tea?’ The man offered when they were there. Hanzo looked up and saw the offered tea – green tea, which was more than acceptable.

‘That would be acceptable.’

The silence dragged all the way until both of them were sitting face to face, a table between them, both with a warm drink in their hands.

Hanzo took the chance to observe the man. He was built, taller than Hanzo himself although he was quite certain he was older than the cowboy. His prosthetic left hand was clicking to an unknown rhythm against the cup, his eyes gazing at something over Hanzo’s shoulder. He looked like he wanted to say something, but don’t know how to start.

Usually, when they were surrounded by the rest of the team, McCree was the typical carefree Alpha. He was loud, constantly flirting and making fun. He was touchy, always finding the opportunity to touch the others, on their shoulder, hands and back. Protective, in the midst of battle.

This McCree looked a little different, and Hanzo knew it was because of him. Uncertain of his place.

Finally, McCree started to talk. ‘Ya know, I figured tha you wanna talk to me about somethin’ when you came to me just now, at Ang’s. Figured you didn’t say anythin’ cuz the doc was there, so.’ He gestured to him, telling that Hanzo should say something.

His perceptiveness was surprising, but it was a good opening so Hanzo took it.

‘Yes, I. I want to apologise for not fulfilling my duty in keeping all of you safe from harm. If I had acted sooner,’

‘Wow darlin’, no.’

The nickname made him twitch in both discomfort and displeasure – McCree’s habit of giving nicknames was noted from before, but this was the first time Hanzo was the target. Albeit this was actually the first time the both of them had a conversation for this long.

‘Ain’t your fault I got shot. Nobody saw that comin’, not even me!’

‘But still, I was tasked for defense, and-’

‘Hey,’ The man reached out a hand and placed it on Hanzo’s forearm, the one untattooed.

The unexpected touch made him flinch, and he moved his arm away on instinct.

‘Do not-!’ He snarled.

‘Woah woah!’ McCree had both his hands up in the surrender pose. ‘Calm down darlin’!’

Hanzo took a deep breath and closed his eyes. _First person to ever approach him in the place, and he had already fucked up. He shouldn’t have come, shouldn’t have agreed to talk to him. Should have stayed away._ ‘My apologies. I do not- I dislike being touched without warning, and by strangers.’

The word ‘strangers’ seemed to hurt the man, from the slight slump of shoulders. But still, the man managed a smile. ‘Naw, it’s fine. I’m sorry for startling you.’

The silence returned as both of them occupied themselves with their drinks. In his mind Hanzo was starting to get uncomfortable. It was the first time in years that he was in such proximity with an Alpha. He was confident in the quality of his suppressants and artificial scents, but the knowledge of being so close was- prickling at his mind, telling to leave this uncomfortable situation.

But the man seemed unsatisfied, for McCree began again. ‘But anyways, ya ain’t gotta feel guilty for my wounds, Hanzo. You did a fine job up there.’

Hanzo hummed in acknowledgment and finished his tea. He was trying to gain forgiveness, but to the other man it seemed that an apology wasn’t needed in the first place.

He guessed he would just have to pay more attention during the rest of the missions, as repayment.

‘If that is the case, then I shall take my leave. Rest well, McCree.’ Placing his cup into the sink and rinsing it in quick movement, he bowed to the man, and left. The ending of the conversation was awkward, but Hanzo was feeling uncomfortable now that he had said what he wanted. So the moment he could, he took his leave.

He should have known that the thoughtful gaze behind him was a beginning to something, but to his credit he was out of practice with socialising.

* * *

One of the things that Hanzo will always miss from Hanamura, from his home, was the huge cherry blossom tree in the middle. It signified a lot of things, a lot of memories.

His first memory (that he could remember) of his mother, was him in her arms, trying to reach for the closest sakura that he could get his hands on. The gentle laughter, and sudden increase in height due to his mother standing on tiptoe, and the sweet, sweet victory of touching the flowers.

His mother was a Beta, and a daughter of a prodigious clan. The marriage was arranged by both parents from both clans, but luckily they were compatible in both scents and personality. Their marriage came with a deal. He as the successor of the clan would do whatever he could to make sure that he will be the clan head, while she will devote all her life to the children that they will have.

With that, Hanzo who was born a year after the marriage, spent the better part of his childhood with his mother. Toddling after her, imitating whatever she was doing just to get a chuckle out of her.

In Hanzo’s eyes, his mother was the most beautiful person he ever saw.

When Genji was born, his mother became the most beautiful woman he ever saw. The title of the most beautiful person was given to the young baby, who cooed at him and blew him raspberries whenever he holds him.

When Hanzo was 5 he started his lessons with the masters. He did his best, so he could be released earlier from classes to spend time with his beloved family. It wasn’t long that he excelled in every class.

When Hanzo was 9, he was taken away from his mother, and met his father properly for the first time. He looked in awe at the person that he was supposed to look up to, to place as a role model.

Shimada Sojiro was a great leader, the one true Alpha of the clan. He had managed to finally claim the title of the Head of Shimada clan due to his perseverance and ruthlessness. It was then that he could spend time grooming his successor, his first-born son.

From that meeting onwards, Hanzo lived for his father’s attention, praise, compliment. Each instruction was treated as an order, each criticism treated as punishment. Each and every compliment was taken in, memorised, and treasured.

But every day, he still went back to his mother’s room, spending time playing with his now 6 years old brother, and talking about his day with his mother.

Gone was the toddler following his mother’s footstep, Hanzo became the first-born son of the Shimada clan.

Until his heat, when he was twelve.

When he was finally coherent, he faced his father’s disappointment, his mother’s sobbing, and the fact that he would never be the heir that his father had wanted.

Mother was blamed for his…condition. After all, father was the true Alpha, and would not have the dirty blood of an omega in him. The fault must lie on the Beta. The Shimada clan imprisoned her in the castle as punishment, never to set a foot outside the castle ever again. Even after she dies she will be buried in the clan’s dirt. She would be given the utmost respect as the Lady, but nothing more. And father never visited her again at night.

From that day onwards, to Hanzo, his mother no longer existed. Only Lady Shimada, and her cold stare.

Young Shimada Genji wasn’t at the age where things like this matter. He had started his own lessons, and had always nagged at his favourite brother to teach him more advanced techniques. Hanzo had always been weak against Genji, and he would gladly humour him.

Thankfully, he was still allowed the company of his younger brother, now that his mother was gone.

The elders of Shimada clan had a meeting about their heir. Hanzo was not invited, but he still knew of it. Knew of the discussion going on that will determine what his life will be. They have concluded that Hanzo will be given scent suppressants. Anything that will deny the fact that he was Omega. He will be announced as a Beta to their clan, to their guest.

It would be an embarrassment for the Shimada clan to have an Omega as a leader. Everyone knew that it would bring shame not to the heir himself, but to the rest of the clan who allowed it to happen.

They all agreed that it was too late to get rid of him as he had been announced as the Shimada heir. To be rid of him now would be announcing loudly to the other clans that there was something wrong with their heir. That, and it was a waste of the clan’s efforts on training him in the first place.

However it is true that his gender wasn’t without benefits. Like how clans would marry their daughters away to gain political advantages, Hanzo can also be used. But he would need to be mated to someone strong enough to negate his Omega weaknesses. When they have identified a better Alpha to have him, they will cut him off from suppressants, and let them mate.

After all, everyone knew that Omegas are born to be slaves, to serve their betters, and to breed for pups. So until they have determined the one that is appropriate to be mated to the Omega…

Until then, he will be Beta. At least a Beta will not cause their family to lose their honour.

* * *

Hanzo’s best memory went something like this:

Hanzo and his father were sitting outside the dojo. It was near evening, and they were enjoying the sight of the cherry blossoms.

That day, they were sharing a bottle of nice sake. Father’s excuse for him to learn how to drink sake was that he will need to go and entertain some guests soon in his future, and have to build up tolerance for liquor. Hanzo was just happy enough to spend some time with one of his parents.

After all, Lady Shimada no longer welcomed him to her room, no longer allow him to speak to her longer than the daily greetings, no longer view him as her son.

There were a number of reasons for the impromptu drinking session. Hanzo had just beaten the swordmaster at a duel. It was hard-earned, but deserved commendation.

Secondly, Genji had just presented as an Alpha, and that deserved a celebration. The said Alpha was now locked in his own room, allowing him to spend his rut in relative peace. And thus, still in the mood for celebration, his father had invited him for a drink, and who was he to say no?

The sake was delicious and enjoyable. Both of them watched silently as the sun slowly went down the mountains.

Just before it got dark, his father spoke.

‘I’ve heard that you did very well in your lessons.’

That did not require a reply, so Hanzo only nodded. He knew there will be more behind that. And he was proven right.

‘I will have Genji joining you in your classes. It is now your duty to make sure he does well.’

‘Of course father.’

Another sip of sake, and his father sighed. His face was slightly red, but did not mean that the man was drunk. At least, not as drunk as some people would, after two bottles of strong sake. His father turned and looked at Hanzo silently.

Hanzo unconsciously straightened his back at the attention.

‘The lessons that you have done well were…not easy for someone like you. I am proud of you, in spite of what you are.’

The blow was delivered gently, seemingly kind. It was even said in the correct degree of warmth – like how a father would praise his son.

The meaning behind them, though. Those were not what Hanzo had wanted, no matter the fact that he knew, he knew very well what the Shimada clan, no. Almost everyone in Japan, or even in Asia thought about Omegas. The underlying indication that Omegas weren’t supposed to be able to fight, use a weapon, take down an Alpha.

No matter the fact that when he had managed to do that before he presented, beating somebody he was not expected to beat, he was praised for his skills without his gender being mentioned. He was told “You have done a good job, Shimada-sama” by his masters, teachers. Father had even given him a nod of acknowledgment, which was what he could get the most from his at-that-time still distant father. He was given a celebratory kiss on his head by his mother, and Genji went crazy trying to make him teach him what he had done.

All without mentioning his gender, because everyone assumed he will be Alpha.

But now he was Omega, and it was as if that had corrupted and tainted all his achievements.

Before he could even wrap his mind about the startling pain in his chest (at that time, he was not able to give what he was feeling a word. All he could say was, he felt weird), his father had continued.

‘Pay attention to Genji. He may require more lessons before he learns. Make sure to include him in all your activities. In time, once you lead this clan, you will need him by your side, whenever you are…occupied and unable.’

‘Of course, father.’

‘Keep him with you. He is important to the clan, people will listen to him, and with guidance, he will do what is right. Make sure you learn to listen to him.’

‘Yes, father.’

‘When in doubt, head for Genji’s advice – he will always have a much clearer head than yours. Otherwise, listen to the elders. They would put the clan first, always.’

‘Yes.’

‘Mmm. Then I shall retire to my room. Clean this up, and make sure you wake up in time tomorrow for training.’ The man placed his sake bottle at the side and stood up. Hanzo bowed deeply, not as a son towards his father, but as a follower towards his leader.

In Hanzo’s eyes, Shimada Sojiro walked in as a father, and walked out as Lord Shimada, head of clan.

He had essentially lost both of his parents. In his eyes, his only family was Genji, his beloved younger brother.

* * *

Hanzo was in a dilemma. He was currently stalked by an increasingly annoying Alpha. Whose fashion taste left much to be desired. And who was a worse stalker than Genji when he was thirteen.

The chuckles with robotic undertone told him that his brother had taken notice of the new development. A slap to the back of the head only served to make him laugh more.

Disgruntled, Hanzo moved to the kitchens to make some calming tea. The soft clinking of spurs told him his stalker had followed him.

‘Take one more step, and I will kill you in the spot. Do not tempt me, gunslinger.’ He growled.

‘It’s on the spot, and uh, what? A man can’t go into his own kitchen now?’ The drawl was both in humour and hesitation. The man’s head poke out from behind the door and received Hanzo’s glare.

Hanzo was alone in the kitchen – it was near midnight, and the only ones still here, other than him and McCree, was Genji, who was outside watching the show. The rest retired to their own activities after dinner. 

‘This is not your kitchen, and do not think that I am ignorant to what you are doing.’ Angrily pouring his tea _(Jesse was totally amused that Hanzo could actually really pour his tea angrily),_ Hanzo shouldered the man away when he exited the kitchen.

Genji was still there, on the couch with his arms on the back of the couch, watching them. He had his visor on, but Hanzo could swear on the dragons on his arm that if it were off it would be obvious that the younger man would be grinning from ear to ear.

‘And wha’ exactly am I doin’ darling?’

‘Trying to annoy me into giving you attention. Which I will not.’

‘Naw man! I just… I just realised that I didn’t know you really well before, and I’m just tryna talk to you.’

Hanzo pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling the fused hole where his piercing should be. He knew there was a reason why he had distanced himself from people of Overwatch.

They were too curious, too friendly. Too easy to get close to.

Having one Genji was already too much on the average day, but then to his surprise he managed to catch the interest and friendship of Hana. The rest, older ones were more reluctant to befriend the murderer of his brother, and Hanzo was at peace with that.

Regretting the talk that he had with McCree days ago, Hanzo only sighed. ‘Leave me be. There is no point for you to “get to know me”, as you say. I do not want, nor require your attention.’

It was a bit too harsh, if McCree’s hurt face was to indicate. The man straightened his back and jutted out his chin. ‘I’ll have you know that even when I was younger people would _beg_ to even have my attention!’

_(It was a lie. Jesse McCree was a piece of shit during his childhood, rebelling against his mother and running away from home. Then he was in Deadlock and his ego was even bigger than his hat. It was only when he was in Blackwatch that he started to learn how to pick up girls, boys, whoever strike his fancy. But absolutely no one begged for his attention – begged away from it, maybe.)_

That comment earned him a far more intense stare than McCree would have expected. The Japanese man in front of him radiated anger, resentment, and humiliation. From the set of his shoulder, McCree knew he had said something wrong and offended him. He could imagine the raised hackles, the barred teeth.

‘I will assure you, Jesse McCree, that I will never beg for anything in my life.’ That sentence sounded like a vow someone would make to themselves. And it was.

 _Never again,_ continued in Hanzo’s mind as he turned and left for the comforts of his rooms. Leaving McCree and Genji, looking at each other with confusion.

‘Ah…’ Genji started. ‘Perhaps you should rethink about this sudden interest towards my brother, Jesse.’ He nodded towards the doorway which Hanzo had left. ‘My brother is not kind towards people he deems untrustworthy. And he is determined to make sure no one gets close to him long enough for them to earn that trust.’

McCree hummed thoughtfully, his hands reaching for the cigarillo in his pocket. He chewed on it, mindful of the fact that Angela will kill him if he tried to smoke indoors.

‘Well, since you’ve worded it like that, there’s only one thing left to do.’

The groan was unbecoming of a 36-year-old man. ‘Jesse, are you gonna stalk him even more?!’

‘Nah, stalking him behind his back doesn’t work much for him. It’s time to do something more… straightforward.’

‘Jesse no.’

‘Jesse yes!’

* * *

One of his other memories of his childhood carried a lesson that was burnt in his mind forever. He was nineteen, and his father had invited him yet again to a drinking session.

On second thought, perhaps he was wrong about the worst memory before. This… This one was the worst.

That day gave Hanzo a great opportunity to breach a topic that he had wanted to talk about for years with his father. Because finally that day, he was given a good reason to brave that. His mother had looked at him, during that day’s dinner. And he was reminded yet again, that his mother’s fate in the family was caused by him. Because he presented as an Omega.

Today had been a good day. He and Genji can finally work together well enough to defeat a huge number of goons, all with their bare hands and one kunai each. His father was, due to that, mildly relaxed and delighted.

After a while of conversation and subsequent silence, his father stood up to leave for his room. He was drunker than he usually was, which should have been a deterrent for Hanzo to do what he wanted to do.

But it was one chance that he thought he could not miss. Father was happy and relaxed. Surely the matter would be easy enough for him to do?

So before his father could leave, Hanzo tentatively opened his mouth.

‘Father?’

‘Yes, Hanzo?’ The man turned and looked at his son on the floor. The difference in height was a mirror to the difference in the ranking of the father and son.

‘It has been a while since mo- Lady Shimada had started her punishment. Perhaps since Lady Shimada had given you an Alpha son at last, and a successful one at that, you would consider visiting her sometimes?’

For a long time, there was a tradition among the Shimada clan concerning the heirs and their wives. And that tradition was also incorporated into the rest of the Shimadas, heirs or not heirs.

A woman is without her worth if she is not treated well by her husband. She loses all respect and dignity if she is not visited by her husband, not interacted with, not talked to.

Women were not involved in the dealings of the clan. They were to stay at home and, in a sense, become a home-maker. They deal with the cleaning servants, cooks and gardeners. The amount of respect she deserves is equivalent to the amount of respect she is given by her husband.

And the servants have very sharp eyes indeed.

This was the reason why Lady Shimada hated her first-born son. He was the reason why she lost her footing in the clan. Even though Lord Shimada had given her enough thought to instate her as a Lady, but he did not search for her, he did not bed her. It was enough to bring scorn by the servants.

His father kept his eyes on him with a straight face, so Hanzo did what he had done best. Bowed down so deeply his lower back hurts into the most respectful bows he knew, he said ‘Please.’ Softly.

What happened next, well. There was a saying, no? “You always forget what you want to remember, and you always remember what you want to forget.”

He wanted to forget this had ever happened, but he cannot.

His father snorted in disgust. ‘Ae expected by an Omega, bowing down for such a foolish reason. How would I entrust the clan to you, my dear Hanzo? If only Genji was the first-born, I would have gotten rid of you the moment your disrespectful body yearns for the debauchery of another!’

Hanzo only kept quiet. To do anything else was akin to inviting harm and pain.

Nobody likes pain, especially not Hanzo.

‘Alright. If you insist. But Hanzo,’ The pause made him look up to his father.

His father had never acted so openly of his disgust towards him. It was always implied, hidden. The only reason he would act like this, was because he was drunk. Hanzo had though his father could hold his liquor, but perhaps… Perhaps this had been a long time coming.

‘You need to learn. You need to learn that begging will never get you anything. Asking nicely will only earn you pain. To need something so badly that you cannot take or steal yourself is only revealing your weakness to your enemies.

‘Shimadas never get on their knees for anybody. They will rather die than bring dishonor to themselves. Your whole gender reveals yourself to have weak knees during your time, and that cannot be cured. But you will learn that at any other time, your knees can never be bent, not even to your family!’

A huff of laughter, pure evil.

‘Since you want me to visit her, well. Why not do it now? Since you feared that she was so lonely, perhaps I should not just bring myself. Why, I think the guards are feeling lonely too.’

With that, he moved determinedly towards the door.

Hanzo scrambled up to his feet. ‘Father! That is not what I meant at all!’

‘Silence! Do not raise your voice to those who are older than you! And sit down!’ The last turn around of his head over his shoulders, Hanzo saw his father smirk.

‘Sit down, and stay here, and think about what you have done to your beloved mother. Foolish Omega.’ It was worded as a command, laced with the Alpha’s Voice.

Hanzo’s knees slammed onto the floor.

He watched his father pause the doors, talking to the guards. He heard footsteps, more than one, moving away, getting softer.

He imagined his mother, yelling.

To be claimed by a man other than your husband is one of the worst things to do for a wife. Being reluctant was not an excuse. Being forced into it was not an excuse. Being forced to it by your husband was not an excuse.

The only way to remove the dishonor…

Hanzo received a glare so intense that he could not bear to glance back, the next morning. He did not turn to see who it was; he knew.

It was a glare full of hatred, disgust, agony.

He did not see his mother walking away. He would regret that, years and years later, if only to see that regal figure one last time.

Beauty personified. Tainted yet pure, disgraced yet elegant. That was his mother.

He would have refused to see her body, hanging by a cloth around her neck, below her beloved sakura tree. But his father had made him watch, as the servants carefully lowered her cold body to the ground.

‘Consequences, young Hanzo. Every action of dishonor brings you consequences. See that you do not make the same mistake again.’

His father spun a tale about how an assassin place poison in her tea, making her sick in the mind, forcing her murder by her own hands. Genji was hysterical, inconsolable. He had looked forward to spending time with his mother to speak about his training, how successful he was.

He will never be able to talk to her now. Hanzo took that from him.

Father acted like nothing had ever happened. Training had continued as usual after their mourning. Genji acted differently from his usual self, and Hanzo tried his best to treat him as how their mother would, only to earn a snarled “You are not her, and you will never be like her!”

So Hanzo stopped. Months went by. Genji’s rut came and went.

The Shimada family healed from the hole that was the loss of Lady Shimada.

The worst part was… The worst part was yet to come.

Father approached and invited him to another night with sake the day Lady Shimada was buried. Their tradition of having sake together in the evening was still on-going. No matter how indifferent his father was, no matter what Hanzo’s feelings towards his father were, they kept on drinking sake together as if nothing had ever happened.

This was what he said.

‘If it were Genji asking that, if it were him asking for the releasing of his mother, I would have done what he asked.’

Hanzo didn’t understand why. Why Genji could, and he couldn’t. Was it because he was an Omega? Was it because father had blatantly favored Genji?

His hands were on his thighs, nails digging deep. If it weren’t for his clothes, he would have seen blood.

‘Genji would have worded his request better. Unlike you, he would never resort to begging so disgustingly. He would have tried to convince me, with good explanations. You? You resorted to begging almost immediately.

‘As expected of an Omega.’

His father left. The sake drinking never happened again.

And Hanzo never knelt in front of anyone, never bend his back to anyone, never begged again.

He learned his lessons.

Never beg for anything.

That his father will always favor Genji.

That him being an Omega was the cause and factor of everything he does.

That he killed his mother.

* * *

The night where Hanzo first confronted McCree about his stalking when they were in the kitchen, Hanzo’s mind cursed him with the memories of what happened to his mother.

He woke up covered in sweat, his face wet with tears. He was unable to move, the feeling of guilt and disgust, terror and shame crushing him.

He slammed his fist to his thigh, the pain enough to jolt him up.

Hanzo spent minutes trying to get his breath back.

 _‘Shit, how many years had it been, and still you are a fool for dwelling on it. It is your own damned fault, you family murderer. Killed your mother, killed your brother… Who else will you kill next?!’_ He mumbled to himself in his mother-tongue, his palms covering his face.

How dare he feel any pain, when he had been _the one_ to cause them pain?

His nails scratched at his cheeks, then his neck, then his thighs. It was a better place, will gain no attention.

Finally, when the amount of pain he could physically feel seemed equal to the pain he felt within him, he sighed and opened his eyes. His nails were bloody, as was his thighs.

He thought to himself, _‘Good.’_

Reaching the side of his bed, he reattached his legs, and went to the bathroom. There will not be any more sleep tonight, he knew from experience.

Cleaning the wounds stung, but the wounds were small, and after the initial bleeding, the blood clotted easily. The cold water to his face did wonders to wash the sleep from his eyes, and the movement required for a change of clothes warmed his body up. He glanced at the clock at his bedside. It was four in the morning.

He had only gotten about three hours of sleep. That will be sufficient to get himself through the day, provided there’s no mission later on.

He opened his door and left his room to head for the kitchen. Another cup of tea should soothe his nerves, if not his emotions.

Along the way between the private rooms and the kitchen was an open space, a room with a balcony, looking out at the sea. The door was opened, and the lights were off, so when Hanzo walked passed he didn’t expect someone to be in there.

There were lights outside the balcony, and that cast a silhouette of someone standing there.

‘Who’s there?’ He barked, cursing himself for not bringing any weapon on him.

The figure jumped, and he could see something falling out from his hand to the ground. It had a small ball of light on it.

It was a cigarillo, and his suspicions were proven when the man started speaking.

‘Darlin’ you don’t gotta scare me like that!’ It was the cowboy.

Hanzo moved into the room and reached for the light switch. The blinding light showed him the man’s beloved hat, sitting on the seats nearby. And the man himself was at the balcony, now reaching down to grab his dropped cigar.

‘McCree, it’s four in the morning. Why are you still awake?’ Normally Hanzo wouldn’t be the one to initiate a conversation. He disliked how subconsciously he would search and seek for the most diplomatic thing to say, something that would not cause harm both to himself and the other. He disliked silence between two individuals, as if he needed to fill that.

He can do that very well when he was still the heir of the Shimada clan, but here there was no reason to. So he did what he liked – kept his mouth shut and his eyebrows angled in a way that would discourage being approached.

But he just had a nightmare that hadn’t happened to him in years, so the feelings seemed new to him. It was, as he said so himself, four in the morning, and…

He suddenly craved companionship.

‘Just out here for a smoke, that’s all. Couldn’t sleep. And you?’

Hanzo paused in the middle of the room. The other man had his elbows over the railing, pose relaxed, his cigarillo back in his mouth. Under the bright artificial light, the man seemed imposing and large, and Hanzo was reminded once again that this was an Alpha, and he was alone with him.

The other man appeared to think that his silence was a rejection. He put his hands up in front of him.

‘Ya don’t havta if you don’t wanna. Just offering…’ With his hands up and shoulders down, McCree seemed less _Alpha_ and more companionable.

Hanzo made a decision.

He turned around, and a huff behind him didn’t stop him.

The room went dark again, making the cowboy jump in surprise, from the sounds of the spurs he had on his ridiculous boots.

‘Wha-!’

Instead of walking away, Hanzo moved closer so that they both were standing on the Balcony. The lights outside were enough to cast a shadow over his face. They were standing far enough from each other to not encroach into their personal space. And yet to Hanzo it seemed intimate, in a way.

‘I too am unable to sleep any further. A… nightmare had awoken me.’ Hanzo said. In the relative darkness, he felt safe enough to continue their conversation.

‘Aw hell. I know that feeling, can’t say I like it very much either.’ The other man replied. There’s a pause – McCree was contemplating something.

‘Ya know, people always said that talkin’ about it will make it better.’

Despite himself, Hanzo snorted. ‘Make what better? Sharing what makes you unable to sleep at night is giving out your weakness.’

McCree shrugged and took a deep breath from his cigarillo. The subsequent smoke surrounded his face and dissipates. ‘Darlin’, I don’t wanna know who told you that, but that’s bull. Talking ‘bout it makes the nightmare smaller than it seems in your mind. C’mon, try it with me maybe?’

‘Even when it is not a figment of imagination, but a memory?’

Even with the dim lights, without that large hat on his head Hanzo could clearly see the man raising his eyebrows. ‘Well, I ain’t know nothin’ about that. But it’s worth a try?’

Hanzo allowed himself to imagine if he said anything at all about his dream. Not the part where he was an Omega, but the part where he had caused his mother’s death. Which led him to imagine the man in front of him, being even more disgusted by him.

He imagined the man saying _‘Wow, so killing yer brother ain’t enough, turns out you killed yer mother too? What’s more, your father’s death, perhaps? You caused your father’s death too?’_

Hanzo instinctively shuddered and shook his head. ‘No, that memory is my burden to bear.’

‘Huh, seems to me that you had lots of burden to bear, Hanzo.’

Hanzo blinked. The man had said it in a soft tone, and his gaze towards Hanzo was something that was not usually directed to him. Warm and sympathetic.

His hackles were raised. ‘I need not your pity, McCree.’ He snarled, shoulders raised up defensively. That was it, his yearning for company was overpowered by the feeling to be left alone to lick his wounds quietly.

So that’s what he did, he made his way back to the opened door. But before he could leave, McCree called out his name.

He could have angrily stalk out of the room, but he turned back, and waited.

‘Sorry, but I really ain’t pitying ya. Go if you must, but I thank ya kindly for the company, however short.’

Hanzo didn’t know how to reply to that, so he nodded and left. The feeling of anger suddenly subsided.

When he went back to his room, he laid on his bed, and stared at the ceiling until everything went blurry and he fell asleep. This time, he was blessed with empty dreams.

* * *

Jesse watched as the Japanese man left the room, and sighed, turning back to the sky with his cigarillo in his hand.

It was progress, a small one, but still. At least conversations now were a few sentences now.

He will not deny that the Beta was gorgeous. Had he not known that the man was Genji’s brother, he would have hit that the moment he laid his eyes on him. As such, his treatment towards Hanzo was cool and civil. He refrained talking about the fratricide (though he cannot help if his tone may be sharp and hostile sometimes), and Hanzo refrained from talking at all.

After the recall where they were all reunited, Genji had gathered all of them and had a meeting, all of them meaning those that knew him from before, when he still harbored anger. He told them about the stay in Nepal, about Zenyatta. How he was accepting of his fate, and of his brothers. How he forgave his brother, and long to rekindle their brotherhood between them.

He told them, not much, but some stories where Hanzo was the best brother anyone could wish for. How the man had taken care of him when his mother died, how he had looked after him and his studies. Then he told them that he would go to Hanamura and invite his brother here.

‘I realised, later on, that there was pressure on him, even more so when father had died of an illness. The elders had never liked nor appreciate my actions, and it was my father and brother who stood between them and me, acting as a barrier. When father died Hanzo was all by himself.

‘If he was to blame for the action of cutting me down, I should also be blamed for not supporting him when he needed me. So I have forgiven him, and by inviting him to what was once my home, I wish him to forgive himself.’

There were grumbles and disagreement, but in the end everybody agreed to give the man a chance.

Jesse himself had reservations. Sure he knew all too well about second chances, but someone who could kill a loved one without a second thought shouldn’t deserve any mercy. But he was still Genji’s friend, so he tolerated the man’s presence in Overwatch.

Until that day when he got shot, and had gotten a visit from the man himself. And when asked of his intentions, the man had wanted to apologise! For something that was clearly out of his control.

That intrigued him. A lot. He didn’t know the man that had killed- hurt his brother so badly that the man was now half cyborg, but he saw the man now, who stalked the corridor like a zombie, face constantly with a frown.

The man who apologised for something no one blamed him for!

So he went to look for Hanzo, after he was cleared by Angela. And after the first meeting, he started to approach the man more, engage him in conversations, even just for a few minutes.

Genji noticed, of course. Anything about his brother will not escape his eyes. Jesse would love to tease him about his brother complex, but maybe not just yet. The half-cyborg had cornered him one day to ask about his intentions towards his brother.

The talk was awkward for Jesse, who at that time only wanted to get to know the man more. The younger Shimada, however, had believed it to be something more than that.

Whatever he had observed from the gunslinger and his brother, Jesse didn’t know because Genji didn’t share with the class. He had only given Jesse the impression that he was simultaneously laughed at, pitied, and encouraged by the younger brother.

It was a very interesting feeling.

But Jesse McCree won’t be who he was today if he was the one to be creeped out by people like Genji. His attempts of approaching Hanzo kept going.

The most interesting and honestly, the one reason that motivated him to keep going, was the fact that he really could _see_ his progress.

First it was Hanzo’s minor expressions and body language. From tense and closed, to wary but accepting, finally to warm and welcoming, something which was only apparent when you had truly observed and learn how to speak “Hanzo”. The conversations also started to lengthen, from short greetings to conversations to banter and finally to long story-telling of their past experiences, told in the middle of the night where only the moon was their company.

Then, the seemingly stuck-to-routine talks, which was always in the middle of the night, when they both were awakened by nightmares, slowly shifted to random timings, depending on where they met and what they were doing.

The number of times a conversation actually lasted more than a minute also increased. Hanzo would slow down when his name was called after dinner by Jesse and stayed to chat about training and missions. Breakfast sometimes involved a banter about their favorite beverage and food.

Jesse started leaving small gifts for Hanzo then. A bottle of sake that Jesse was _positive_ Hanzo loved, courtesy of Genji (who laughed his ass off, but was a good bro enough to help him out).

A perfectly brewed tea in the morning, after Jesse had asked about the way Hanzo meticulously prepared his daily morning tea (the lesson was horrible. Jesse had ruined two packs of tea before he finally had one deemed _acceptable._ It took him another three packets to finally get it just the way Hanzo likes. Hanzo always teased him about the waste of perfectly good tea leaves, but gave him a rare smile when Jesse finally got it right, so everything was worth it).

A new T-shirt or two, when Jesse realised that the other man did not have much in his wardrobe. Gag gifts, of course, with hilarious puns printed on them. Hanzo had never worn them before (or if he did, never in front of Jesse) but it wasn’t found ruined in the trash either, so Jesse counted that as a win.

But the most important milestone was when Hanzo came to Jesse to demand a rematch to their recent bet on their training. The whole time during their conversation Jesse was in a daze, even though he answered all the questions and even teased Hanzo about his loss.

No, you don’t understand. _Hanzo came to him. And willingly, voluntarily started a conversation. About something that he had initially scoff at._

Jesse felt like he was in heaven, afterward, and almost everyone could tell. Genji called it “preening”. Lena called it “Alpha strutting”.

Angela called him an idiot.

By that time everyone practically knew what he was doing. Jesse was doing the typical Alpha courting. The gifts, the increased interactions, the preparation of food.

That was when Hanzo cornered him, one day.

* * *

Shimada Hanzo, despite what other people thought, didn’t know about what Jesse McCree was doing at first.

Everyone else, even Genji and Jesse thought he was just humoring the Alpha’s attention. The man was always silent when receiving Jesse’s gifts, with some ribbing and huffing that was not out of the ordinary from the Beta. The food he ate, but not praised like how a courting should go. But before Jesse could think that the man was just rejecting him in a kind way, Hanzo returned the courtship with simple food for breakfast, things that Jesse liked.

Hanzo didn’t reject the courting, didn’t explicitly tell Jesse to stop, or did anything that indicates his rejection without having to say anything. However he didn’t do anything to accept either.

Which usually meant that the courted needed more convincing. So that’s what Jesse had done. More food, more small gifts, more subtle touching.

No dice.

The clueless Beta only realised what was happening when he was teased by D.Va and Lucio, when they were having a Game Night. Well, Hanzo was at the kitchen counter with his preferred cup of tea while the two younger ones were busy trying to kick the other one off the first place.

Hana was sulking when Lucio managed to win after a hard battle, so she demanded a rematch, but not before they rest for a while. Hanzo smirked at her disgruntled face, amused at the younger ones’ antics.

The two of them approached him, with Hana sitting beside him, and Lucio at his opposite.

‘Oh, yeah! Hanzo, since you’re here!’ Hana held a hot cup of tea in her hands, legs swinging under the chair. ‘Me and Lucio really wanna ask you something!’

He raised his eyebrows at that. ‘What is it?’

‘How are ya feeling about being courted?’

That sentence was not at all expected.

‘What?’

She didn’t seem to register his surprise at first. Or perhaps it was because she assumed that Hanzo was surprised that she dared to approach him about this, instead of him being courted as something new.

Lucio wasn’t helping matters. ‘Yeah! I would have thought that you’d stop McCree from courting you! Thanks for making me lose 10 bucks on that!’

‘… You guys had a bet on… this?’

‘Er…’ The youngsters’ deer-in-headlights faces would usually amuse Hanzo, seeing that they both looked comical. But not this time.

‘Jesse is… Courting me?’

Hana and Lucio looked to each other, had a silent conversation made from head gestures and eyebrows, and looked back to Hanzo in sync.

‘You… don’t know?’ Hana tentatively asked. ‘But it was very obvious… the t-shirts, the tea, hell! The two of you always have some sort of secret date in the middle of the night!’ She threw her hands up. ‘I’ve seen you, Lucio had seen you, almost everyone had seen the two of you being cute and lovey-dovey together!’

Hanzo thought back on those sleepless nights, how he was invited by Jesse to come to the room with the balcony which was now deemed theirs, any time he was unable to sleep. More often than not the cowboy would be there. And even if there was a day which he was not (which was rare), there would be some biscuits and a thermos containing lukewarm tea.

He had never noticed that someone had known that they were there.

Apparently, he had never noticed a number of things.

‘But I… He’s an Alpha, and I’m…’

That attracted Hana’s wrath, and Lucio’s frown. Hana had stood up with her hands on her hips, glaring at Hanzo.

‘Are you those kinds of ignorant bastards that think that Alphas can only be with Omegas, and Betas with Betas?’

There were people like that, even after decades of people fighting for their rights. Omegas for basic human rights, and Betas for the right to choose a better job. Alphas were usually their enemies, being so high up in the social ranking. But there were still quite a number of them supporting their fellow Omegas and Betas.

One of the main protests in the early years was against the law that stated that Alphas can only marry Omegas, Omegas can only marry Alphas, and Betas can only marry each other. The excuse behind that law was that an Alpha-Omega pair was deemed the perfect pairing under the eyes of God. For them, it was obvious. Only an Alpha can handle an Omega in heat, and only an Omega can handle an Alpha in rut. Betas, since they were mostly neutral, can’t handle the other gender, and thus can only pair with each other.

Which was totally false, and there were scientific facts and research to prove that.

So the law was repealed.

Hanzo, of course, was not _those kinds of bastards_. Rather, things like these do not matter in his life much. The only gender issue he had was to make sure he acted as how a normal Beta acted, and to ensure no one would even _think_ that he was an Omega.

No one will court him, no Alphas, Betas and certainly no Omegas. First off, it was disrespectful to court a future heir of a prestigious family. Secondly, courting does not play a role in Hanzo’s life, strictly because the wives of the heirs are usually determined by the elders, after careful selection.

And obviously no sane Omegas want to enter the family that looked down on them and treated them as slaves, and no family would accept them as the family leader.

Hanzo had never been the intended for a courting, so perhaps it was forgivable that he found it so hard to believe that he was one now. He also just plainly did not realise that _he was available for courting._

So Hanzo shook his head, both in response to Hana’s accusations, and to clear his mind for a bit.

‘I don’t, I. I have never been courted before.’ That was said softly, a secret confessed in the middle of the night. It didn’t carry far, but the intended listeners heard it.

‘What?’ Imitating his volume, Hana hissed under her breath. ‘How can you not- Even I’ve been courted before, and I’m 19!’

Hanzo could feel his eyebrows going up, and could see Lucio’s doing the same.

Hana scrambled to backtrack. ‘Not like- Not like I accept any of them! Just, I’m an Omega, it’s a thing people do sometimes without any meaning behind it. But maybe being a Beta is different- Lucio, help me with this!’

The other Beta startled with his name being called so suddenly, but complied. ‘Yeah, it’s a bit weird not being courted at your age, Hanzo. I had a few courting gifts, and dinner. It was nice.’ His gaze suddenly became dazed, obviously reminiscing.

Hana swiped at his arm then, starting an argument about _not asking you to talk about how nice your dates are, you idiot!_

Hanzo left them to it. He had an Alpha to corner.

* * *

Hanzo found Jesse in their room – the room where they always met at night.

He hadn’t planned to go there tonight because he had promised the young ones that he would sit in on their game night, even though he wasn’t in the mood to play. But with this revelation on his mind, he would not be him if he didn’t investigate this immediately.

First things first, confirm with the involved party that it was true.

As expected, the cowboy was at the balcony, smoking. The lights were dimmed, he could only see his silhouette. It was frighteningly similar to that day, when they first met and talked to each other in this same room.

Hanzo deliberately made a sound when he entered the room, and flicked on the lights.

The initial sound made the man turned around, and the light was then glaringly bright enough to make Jesse gasp and squint.

And he didn’t even notice that he had started calling Jesse Jesse. And wasn’t that proof enough? That Jesse had done a lot without him knowing, had approached him slow and subtle enough not to trip Hanzo’s alarm?

Genji was _Genji_ because he was his brother, Hana and Lucio were _Hana_ and _Lucio_ because they were young and stubborn enough to worm into his life. But Mercy was _Dr. Ziegler_ , Winston was _Winston_ because that was his only name, Zhou Mei was _Ms. Mei_.

But Jesse. He was McCree, but then this, this _courting_ had happened. All the nightly meetings, conversations before, during, and after food. And he didn’t realise, but he was now _Jesse_ to him.

Dear Lord, how had he not noticed?

‘Hey, god damnit Han! Gave me a big shock, you did! Though ya not gonna be here fer today?’

And now he was Han to Jesse.

When did this happen? And how can he get the man to stop?

_Did he even want the Alpha to stop?_

It was… surprisingly nice. The feeling of being courted. Now that he thought about it, there wasn’t any other explanation for all those gifts, how Jesse had ensured that he at least got to spend some time with him every day. Even the ones when he wasn’t up for company, they would just keep their silence and let the sake/tea do the talking.

* * *

The first time Jesse came looking for him when he wasn’t in the mood for any interaction with another human being, Hanzo was both frustrated and scared. He was frustrated because he knew that the cowboy would insist on talking to him the usual way – with too much enthusiasm, and he simply did not have the patience nor the energy to cope with that. He was scared that he would lose his temper.

And everyone knows what happens when Shimada Hanzo lost control over himself.

_Bad things. Bad things that he will regret forever in his life._

He should have chased the man away. Harsh words won’t do – Jesse McCree was an annoying man who would approach especially when you don’t want him to.

No… That was unfair of him. Jesse McCree was someone who knew exactly what needed to be done at the time. He toed the line between annoying and careful. He knew when to back off, and when to keep pushing. He was…

At that point of time, it would be the right thing to do. Ask the man to leave, say something a normal person would say, when he was not feeling up for company. When he knew anything coming from his mouth would just be barbs and pain. _‘Sorry but I’m not in the mood for company right now’,_ like how Genji would tell him.

_‘To be a normal person, anija, is to use your words, not your eyebrows.’ His brother joked._

But he didn’t. He only stood there and stared at the man. He was trying to find the words, or anything to get the man out of the way. But it was as if Jesse knew what he was thinking, because the man paused in his steps, and really looked at him.

The glance apparently told the cowboy all he knew, because his mouth formed an ‘oh’ shape.

Behind him, away from the open door, the rest of the team could be heard talking and laughing in the lounge rooms. Here they were, away from the party, in one of the storage rooms.

Hanzo didn’t know what triggered him. The team was just having a calm night, and they had promptly decided to have a small gathering in the room. There were board games, video games, cards. Hanzo was fine when he walked into the room, and had claimed his usual spot at the counter, drinking tea.

Laughter hit him like a brink to a window. It wasn’t just anyone’s laughter, it was _his brother’s._ But it wasn’t really his, not like before. The robotic tinge behind his tone made him want to puke.

It was an epiphany that just wouldn’t stop. He knew, _he knew,_ what he had done to his brother. But it was things like this that made him suddenly realise just what exactly he had done to his beloved sibling.

What he had stolen from him.

It was just seconds before he escaped the room and into one that was silent. He should have expected the cowboy to follow him. But he just needed the space. Needed the quiet to listen to what his mind was saying to him, so he could determine just how to _shut them up._

Their eyes crossed, and Jesse moved to close the door. Hanzo turned away because _thank God he’s going to leave,_ but he was proven wrong when after the door closed the sounds of footsteps moved towards him instead of away.

Hanzo didn’t want to be the first to say anything. He knew when he opens his mouth it would be filled with explanations, apologies. Or even worse, something hurtful and defensive. Because that was his default response, _hurt them before they hurt you._ So he kept quiet.

To his surprise, neither did Jesse. The man only remained quiet. And that was the way the night went, until Hanzo finally calmed down enough to leave the silence and move to his room.

The gentle touch on his elbow made him turn around to face with Jesse with an eyebrow raised, as if asking without words, _‘are you alright?’._ Hanzo nodded, but allowed the contact longer than he used to as thanks.

It made Hanzo understand that no matter how different the both of them are, the man can still understand him enough to know when he needed some noise to drown out his own thoughts, and when he needed silence to be able to hear himself think.

* * *

‘Han?’ Jesse’s calling of his name brought him back to where he was. The man had started to approach him, his cigar put away. Hanzo realised that the man had been calling his name for a few times.

‘Is it true that you are courting me?’ He blurted out.

Jesse stopped in his path, blinking in confusion. ‘Er, yeah? But I woulda thought everyone knew ‘bout that? Why’re ya… asking… did you not know?’ The cowboy went from confusion to horror.

Hanzo did not blush easily, but his embarrassment at his own oblivion made him looked away. ‘No, I did not.’

‘Aw hell! Is that why you didn’t reply me? I thought you just needed more convincing!’ His hand reached up to scratch at his head, leading Hanzo to notice that the man’s hat was not on his person. Not that he hadn’t seen Jesse without his hat, but it was rare enough that it deserved a second look. The man’s hair was messy, and sometimes Hanzo had the urge to run his fingers through it to feel if it’s as rough as he thought it would be.

‘Hanzo?’

‘Hn?’

‘I can… If you don’t like what I was doin’, I could stop. If you want to.’ The man placed his fist on his hip, leaning in a way that probably was meant to show how he didn’t care. The way he obviously did not look Hanzo in the eyes only showed how much he did.

‘No, I…’

Hanzo realised that he really did enjoy the man’s company. Annoying, frustrating and stubbornness aside, Jesse McCree was someone that Hanzo would have loved to spend time with, when he was younger, if he wasn’t the heir.

_If those times he was only courting, if we really are dating then…_

_There’s no harm in being with Jesse now that I’m… here. Away from Hanamura, away from the clan. There isn’t any anatomical difference in Omega males than in Beta males, at least, not with the external genitals. Jesse wouldn’t know when- if we bed together. There won’t be any harm, and I could maybe finally have… someone I can call mine._

Hanzo refocused and looked into Jesse’s wide eyes. He saw hesitation, reluctance, and knew that Jesse didn’t want it to stop any more than he did. He made his choice.

Jesse tasted of the cigar he just smoked. And cold – the man must have been standing out here for ages. That was the two things he had gotten before standing back, his courage gone.

_My god, I kissed him._

The look on the cowboy’s face was worth everything.

‘Wha- Han, you… What…?’ The man spluttered, but the corner of his lips was starting to twitch up, his eyes disbelieving.

Hanzo interrupted before the man can embarrass himself further. ‘I accept your courting.’

The shift from confusion to delight was a gift from god.

The body slam from an over-excited human was not, but the kiss was very much appreciated.

* * *

There were days where he regretted being here, with Overwatch. Today was one of the day, and Hanzo regretted not hiding in his room. But no, he was attacked by the puppy-eyes (any he would have thought that those things that came from a full adult wouldn’t work, but here he was) and he couldn’t say no.

Honestly, he should know by now that regrets were a waste of time and energy. But he couldn’t help it. Especially when he was faced with this.

‘Come on guys, pay up! I won, fair and square!’

‘It’s not fair! If you didn’t tell him in the first place Hanzo would never agree so fast!’

‘Yeah you cheater!’

‘It’s not my fault that you guys didn’t even think to talk to him in the first place! Now pay up! I need the money for the game that just came out!’

Hanzo sighed, and massaged his temples. At his side was Jesse, chatting and laughing with the older adults in the group. Hanzo didn’t care to pay attention to what they were saying, but Jesse seemed happy enough.

The slight weight on his shoulders from Jesse’s arm was both annoying and comforting. A trap that was easy to escape from, yet at the same time an anchor for him not to get lost into his own mind.

The team knew immediately what happened when both of them went to the kitchen the next morning together. That was their first mistake.

Hanzo didn’t want to spend the night with Jesse, even though the other man clearly wanted to. But the Alpha only nodded when Hanzo said so, and sneaked a kiss when he was sure no one was watching.

‘Have a good night then, darlin’. I know I will.’ The exaggerated wink was enough to make Hanzo roll his eyes, the both of them knowing exactly what _a good night_ entails. Hanzo would have been offended or disgusted, but… It’s Jesse.

‘Come knock on my door when you’re awake, we’ll go to breakfast together, yeah?’ The cowboy added, the grin on his face due to the eyeroll only increased its intensity when he received Hanzo’s nod.

So they had gone to breakfast together.

Hanzo didn’t even know what he had done or acted differently from usual, because the moment the both of them entered the kitchen, Hana took a glance at them and gasped loudly.

‘Ohmygodyouacepted!’

The words were stringed together, but everyone could understand what she had said. Everyone in the kitchen at that time, namely Hana, Lucio, Genji, Angela, Tracer and Ana turned their head towards them so fast Hanzo’s neck hurt in sympathy.

Then everything went chaotic. After a very happy announcement from Jesse acknowledging the fact that yes, the two of them were now together (after a nod from Hanzo agreeing to tell) the young ones started to approach them, yelling congrats and _finally!_

Hanzo suffered all the congrats for all but one second, then Jesse swiftly took over, taking their attention from Hanzo. While he talked to Angela, Ana and Tracer and subtly changed the topic, Hana and Lucio were discussing who won the bet. They were led to the couch at the lounge, where Jesse made sure to have his arms around Hanzo, simultaneously not letting him get away, but also had kept him calm and anchored.

Finally, after a whole ten minutes of insufferable conversation where almost all the ones present had said at least something to tease Hanzo about how he had kept Jesse, and therefore everyone waiting, Genji stood up and beckoned his brother over.

Jesse’s arm promptly loosened his hold on him, and Hanzo took the chance to get away. He wasn’t at his limits yet, but that was only because everyone expected him to not contribute to the conversation other than grunts and huffs. With a short nod to the company he went to his brother, who led him out to a more private room.

From Genji’s face Hanzo already knew what he was going to say.

‘Not that I’m not happy for you, _anija,_ but did you really…?’

Hanzo nodded. ‘I did not realise what he was doing at first, but once I knew…’

Genji gave a happy sound. ‘Oh brother, I am happy for you indeed.’ But he paused, and that told Hanzo that it was not that easy to avoid that one topic with his brother.

‘Have you told him about… You didn’t, did you.’ Genji sounded so disapproving that it made Hanzo want to squirm in his place.

‘There is no actual need for him to know. I am not planning to return to who I was, and I will not stop my medication any time soon. With the suppressors, there are no major differences between an Omega and Beta male. He does not need to know.’

Hanzo thought about the stash of drugs hidden in his room. It was enough to last him for a year, maybe more if he was careful about it. And his sources, although illegal, was reliable, and relatively cheaper than the others on the market.

There was no reason why he needed to revert back to an Omega. He had lived half of his life as a Beta now, had established his role in Overwatch. To revert back to an Omega now was like his efforts from before will become meaningless.

‘Do not think that I have no idea what kind of drugs you have on your hands, brother. The Omega Killer is as its name says – it is dangerous to omegas who use them for a prolonged amount of time.’ Genji warned him. ‘And I can assure you, Hanzo, that Jesse will not care about your gender.’

‘Then it will not matter whether I tell him or not. And I forbid you to say anything to him, Genji.’ Hanzo aimed a glare at his brother, although both of them knew his glare hadn’t worked on his brother even since Genji decided to be the rebel in their family. ‘It is my decision, and I stand by it.’

‘Yo, you two arguing about me?’ Jesse poked his head out the doorway, his eyebrows arched in a way that meant he was joking. His eyes, however, showed concern. ‘It’s kinda worryin, that the moment ya know about us, you two start arguin.’

Hanzo gave his brother one last glare, the unspoken _don’t you dare_ obvious in his eyes. Genji tilted his head slightly, unwilling but agreeing anyways.

‘Nah, was just hashing out an argument that started years and years ago.’ Genji went forward and rested his hand on the cowboy’s shoulder and squeezed. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I whole heartedly support you and my brother being together. It was both lovely and excruciating to see you courting brother, even though the knuckle-head didn’t notice – hey!’

The man totally deserved the elbow at the ribs, even if it caused Hanzo more pain than it did Genji.

Jesse only laughed that belly laugh of his. ‘Naw, Han. Don’t hit your brother fer that! We didn’t know what we’re doing, so I’m glad that this turned out for ta’ best!’ There was a pause while Jesse visibly went back and replayed what Genji had said. ‘Wait a mo’,’ He turned to face the cyborg, who didn’t realise he was in trouble yet.

‘Did you know that Hanzo had no idea I was courtin’ him?!’

The nervous laughter told him and Hanzo the answer.

‘Kay, Han. You may hit your brother until he calls uncle! You little shit, you coulda saved me so much confusion and heartache!’ Jesse said, but he himself was approaching Genji and got him into a headlock. Hanzo took a few steps back, and enjoyed the peaceful feeling in his heart.

No matter what had happened, Hanzo was determined not to feel regret about accepting Jesse’s courting. This peace in his heart, he hadn’t felt that in years, decades even.

He was determined not to lose that.

* * *

Nothing much had changed, even after Hanzo accepting Jesse’s courting. They still eat together, drink together. Except that there were kisses involved, lingering touches. The little nudges that once was unfamiliar and uncomfortable soon became normal for Hanzo. Sometimes he even seek for it himself.

They still slept in separate rooms, but they did _mess around_ once or twice, usually in Jesse’s room. After clean up, Jesse would always offer for him to stay the night. But Hanzo always left.

It didn’t feel right, to stay. Not yet, anyway.

And Jesse didn’t mind. It’s always ‘Alright then. I’ll see you tomorrow?’ and a kiss goodbye.

Hanzo’s room started to feel more lived-in, courtesy of Jesse’s gifts. Hell, his relationship with everyone in Overwatch improved – apparently he was considered _scary_ and unapproachable before, until his relationship with Jesse proved that he was more human than they thought.

He didn’t think he himself had changed much – his routine was still the same.

(He didn’t know that he smiled more. His shoulders relaxed when they finished a mission and returned to base, when before it wasn’t relaxed until he had slept. He spoke more, and more spontaneously, when previously he seemed to need to think and second guess his replies.

The sweet interaction between him and his Alpha was a nice addition to a place where sometimes it felt that the world was only violence and fighting. It was a good reminder of the reason they fight – so that someday peace will arrive.)

Unlike the typical Alpha-Omega pair who bond with a bond-bite during mating, any pairing involving a Beta will not have that. For some, it seemed much more realistic, when no hormones were involved. For some, it seemed unreliable, when one of the partner can just up and leave, as there were no bond-bite to secure them together.

During a quiet night, they discussed what they expected out of each other as a couple.

‘We might as well get the obvious out of the way. I may not be able to help you with your ruts.’ Hanzo started.

Jesse, true to his observant self, knew that this wasn’t the time for jokes and silliness. ‘I understand that, I really do. Don’t cha worry about my ruts – Angela’s stocked up tonnes of suppressants and hormone regulators. I’d been popping them pills ever since it was available to me. I may go through a full rut once or twice a year, but I’ve been dealin’ with that my whole life, so you don’t gotta worry about that.’

‘Hmm. And about bond-biting? Do you want to- do that?’

Their _messing around_ sometimes led to Jesse giving him love bites around his neck not unlike a bond-bite. However, without the Omega hormones, these bites would not take, and will heal just like normal bruises. Some couples chose other, more material things to signify their loyalty. Rings, collars, even tattoos.

But at this moment in time, they didn't even talk about _being together_ in the sense of _forever._

‘Nah. I think…’ Jesse side-eyed him. They were at their usual room (the one where everyone _knew_ it was theirs), having sake. It had been a quiet week, even though Winston had hinted that there might be trouble brewing soon.

It’s been months (3 months and 5 days, not that Hanzo was counting) since they confirmed their relationship. Since then, there were kisses, making out, hugs. During private moments, Hanzo would even consent to a simple scent-marking (Jesse rubbing his inner wrist against his cheeks and neck). They mutually masturbated in bed, giving each other blowjobs, but so far there wasn’t any penetrative sex.

And even after 3 months and 5 days, Hanzo still hadn’t consented to stay the night in Jesse’s bed.

‘I think that,’ Jesse continued after taking a sip of sake, the correct way of savouring sake, in Hanzo’s opinion. ‘Both of us haven’t reached there yet, to talk about bond-mating and such, have we?’

His tone was light, but the accusation behind his words was not.

Hanzo turned his head to the other side, refusing to look at him. ‘…No, you are right. Perhaps it is too soon to talk about this.’

They had not reached the stage where they were comfortable with each other enough to think about forever. Hell, with Hanzo’s _problem,_ maybe they never will.

From beside him came a sigh, and the rustle of clothing. Jesse telegraphed his movements well, and soon Hanzo felt a gentle caress at his cheek. Jesse’s favorite way of scent-marking, personable enough for him, yet impersonal enough for Hanzo to not balk away at first touch.

Perhaps this was yet another hint that they weren’t ready.

‘We’ll get there, Han. No rush. I swear to you that while we are together, my heart won’t stray to another. Just take your time.’

Hanzo leaned against Jesse’s hand, still at his cheek. A silent agreement. A moment later, Jesse moved away.

‘Anyway, how bout you?’

Hanzo thought about it, taking his time.

He realised quite early on that Jesse had done most of the effort into their relationship. He initiated most touches, he started most conversations. He backed off immediately if Hanzo ever showed any hint of discomfort at his actions. Jesse always accommodated him, so perhaps Hanzo can accommodate him and his needs to be … _touchy-feely_ (as Genji had mentioned once).

‘Perhaps the next time you feel the need to back away due to my showing of discomfort, you may instead proceed. It is time I do something for you, and if enduring your touches makes you happy, I will learn to endure, and in time, welcome them.’

Jesse, knowing that was as much effort Hanzo can give at this time, only beamed.

A good talk, after all.

* * *

The reason why Hanzo did not feel comfortable enough to remain in Jesse’s arms after satisfaction was his nightmares. It was something that he felt that should be his alone.

Tonight, he dreamt of something that he had not thought of for a long while.

The loss of his legs was purely accidental, unlike what the rumors had told. He was still on the run from the Shimada family, merely a year after Genji’s death. Attacked and chased, he made an error of misjudging the height of the cliff and broke his legs from the fall.

A traveling Beta male found him unconscious by the rocks, led by the smell of his blood. When he woke up, his legs were amputated.

It led to a great argument between him and the doctor who amputated him. But the doctor compensated by giving him the contact of someone who was great with prosthetics. Five months later, Hanzo was with new legs, walking just like how he used to.

He didn’t want to remember the pain, didn’t need to. No one understood the pain, the suffering one had to go through to be accustomed to prosthetics. Phantom pains, itches that could not be scratched, it was horrible.

But still, Hanzo was proud of what he had been through. The first time Jesse hinted that he wanted more than making out, Hanzo was not hesitant to tell him about his prosthetics. He didn’t get into much details other than to confirm that he did have prosthetics for legs. Jesse took a moment to acknowledge that, gently touching and admiring his naked glory.

‘As long as ya don’t mind I have one warm arm and one cold one, I wouldn’t mind ya having the sexiest prosthetic legs I’ve ever seen.’

And that was that.

Usually his prosthetics were the furthest from his mind. But tonight he encountered them in his dreams. He dreamt that he was awake when they had amputated him. Him watching as the saw came down, closer, closer, touching. Blood, flesh, bones.

Perhaps a small part of him, the Omega part of him not affected by the suppressants was horrified of being imperfect. Of being lesser than what was given to him at birth.

When he gasped awake, the phantom pains were back.

Sometimes, it seemed that they hadn’t left at all.

Line

That morning, Jesse sleepily went to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee after waking up, and saw Hanzo slumped over his cup of tea.

He recognised that slump anywhere – his lover had a bad night. From the lack of any reaction to his arrival, even though Jesse knew he had made at least some noises, told him even more about how bad it was.

‘Hey Han.’ He spoke softly, and received a grunt. If it were anyone else, they wouldn’t have even received that.

Jesse didn’t approach Hanzo first, opting to make his coffee while he figured out what to do. Previously, he would sit beside him, offering himself as a source of comfort, hoping that Hanzo will take him up for it. If it was a bad night, Hanzo would up and leave, and Jesse would understand that he needed to be alone. If Hanzo had stayed but kept quiet, he knew his presence but not his voice was welcomed. If Hanzo leaned into him, Jesse would know that it wasn’t that bad of a night, and slowly start a conversation.

But these were what he knew Hanzo had preferred, after getting to learn Hanzo-speak. What he himself preferred to do to comfort a lover, was a long cuddle in bed. Jesse treated touching as a necessary thing for comfort – watching his lover slumped down like that was breaking his heart, urging him to touch, to caress, to comfort.

He recalled Hanzo’s words last night.

_‘Perhaps the next time you feel the need to back away due to my showing of discomfort, you may instead proceed.’_

Well, time to put that to the test.

Grabbing his coffee, he slowly moved towards Hanzo, pressing to his side. The initial flinch was hurtful, but Hanzo recovered, and pressed his body towards him, which Jesse counted as a win.

‘We ain’t got no mission today, and I’m guessing you could skip training. How bout a cuddle in bed?’ He asked softly.

Jesse was standing while Hanzo was sitting, and Hanzo was now leaning against his belly, so his reply wasn’t clear. But the nod after the pause was hard to misunderstand.

‘Come’re darl. Let’s get yer to bed.’ Jesse gave his lover a gentle push, and he responded by standing up. That removed their site of contact, but Jesse would accept whatever he could have. Each grabbed their own drink, and the couple made their way to Jesse’s room.

They did not meet anyone else on the way – it was far too early for the night-owls to be awake, but it was late enough for the early birds to be on their own business.

Hanzo being quiet wasn’t something that Jesse worry about – the man enjoyed his silence just like he enjoyed his tea, and Jesse learned to endure them. Silence brought him no comfort like it did Hanzo, but whatever made Hanzo comfortable soothed his Alpha side, so all was good.

They got into bed after leaving their drinks on the table beside it, and it was apparent Hanzo had never done this before.

Hanzo was, contrary to Jesse’s previous belief, quite experienced with sexual acts – at least, the ones they had done so far. He was comfortable in getting what he wanted, which gave them both pleasure. But it seemed that cuddling, or touching for the sake of touching was something he hadn’t experience before.

Jesse touched the tensed body beside him and gave a small nudge. A silent ask for permission to move him. The body did not relax, but Hanzo moved closer to him, which was permission given. Slowly Jesse shifted Hanzo into a position he had always wanted to do.

His human arm underneath Hanzo’s neck. His front pressed to Hanzo’s back. Legs tangled with each other. Hanzo’s head beneath his chin. Jesse would much prefer if he could do this with Hanzo facing him, his nose at Jesse’s neck so he could scent _comfort_ in him, but this would do nicely.

The fact that Hanzo pressed his nose against Jesse’s inner wrist seemed to agree.

Jesse hummed. An old song? A lullaby? He didn’t know. All he knew was that they had just crossed another barrier Hanzo had set up, that they were just that much closer to each other.

He knew Hanzo had so much more secrets, so much more nightmares. He didn’t know what triggered this one – Hanzo never shared, no matter how much Jesse tried to tell him that it was okay.

But it was fine – they had time to figure this out.

Meanwhile, as Jesse pressed his lips on Hanzo’s head, scenting the artificial jasmine (Hanzo’s shampoo) and the underlying _peace_ of Hanzo’s natural scent, Jesse thought _hey, this is nice too. Just lovely._

Their coffee and tea, once steaming were now cooled on the table, as their owners fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The storm always comes silently, with little warning. Hanzo’s first warning was something he had overlooked simply because it wasn’t the first time it had happened.

An encrypted note came to him along with an unsuspecting letter. The letter itself was useless – just a cover. The note, however, read something important.

_‘OK late. 2m.’_

Hanzo received similar notes before, though it was a few years back. It was just his suppressants supplier, notifying his customers that there was a lack of stock, and the next supply will arrive in two months. Fortunately for Hanzo, he still had some of his own stock in his room, hidden in various places. It’s enough to last him a good few months, at least 3. By then the next supply should be arriving.

His suppressants come to him in different ways – it was necessary to avoid detection and pattern. The Omega Killer is only found if you have the right contacts, and the right amount of money. It consisted of a whole underground network of producers, storage and suppliers, and their customers were world-wide.

The main reason why Hanzo and other Omegas use the Omega Killer was that it can stop heats and hormones, scents and Omega glands with just one dose. An Omega on OK will not have heats, their body will produce no O hormones and scent. And most importantly, they will not produce the tell-tale Omega slick when they are aroused.

It was to be expected that with a strong drug like this, there would be side effects. And there were many of them – infertility, shortened lifespan, spontaneous death, organ atrophy and failure. If one were to list down the names of those who died due to the drug, they could write books.

Hanzo took care to never overdose himself with the drugs, never take more than what was needed. It helped that he didn’t mix around with other drugs, opting to only take OK. However, Hanzo always thought that he was still alive because he was given OK ever since his first heat. Perhaps his body had already learnt to tolerate the effects of the drug, slowly adjusting to them.

Of course the Shimada clan knew about OK – they were one of the first to invest in developing the best Omegan suppressants. It was a clever tactic, to take up part of the OK black market, and selling them for a cheaper price to those loyal to the Shimadas. Having this bargain only provided a good incentive for smaller families with Omegas to swear loyalty, to provide whatever they can in order to get the drugs for a much affordable price.

Even after leaving the Shimada clan, Hanzo still relied on the OK, knowing just how much it could do. By then the OK was banned from being commercialized after the health benefits/harm studies had concluded that they bring more harm than benefit. The Omega health specialists recommended a range of drugs, each only dealing with one part of being Omega – heat suppressants, hormone regulators, slick controllers. In Hanzo’s opinion, it was a stupid idea to buy all these when one will do, damn the consequences.

He gets his supplies from various sources, and in different ways. Some sent them by packages, located in hidden places waiting for him to collect. Some sold them pill by pill. Others in powder form, or liquid form, though those are not as potent as the pill form.

Hanzo got by. After all, he had been doing it for almost two decades.

He burnt the note, safely assured that nothing had changed.

* * *

It was quite a while, but Jesse finally realized that both of them had never gone on a date. Well, they did had a few, if they counted the late-night drinking. But for Jesse, that’s the coward way out.

He was gonna bring his man on a date, preferably this week.

Winston’s giving him a weird face, so Jesse tuned back into what he was saying.

‘…for a quick recon mission?’

Okay, he was too late in giving his attention. ‘Sorry, Winston. What?’

The look on Winston’s face told him that the gorilla was too kind to roll his eyes, but he really wanted to. ‘I was saying, if you and Hanzo are free to go for a quick recon mission? It should be done in a day or two. I just need you to scout around and see if there’s any credibility to the new information we received.’

‘Oh, it’s from a new source then?’ Jesse scratched at his chin. ‘Sure, I mean, once I asked Hanzo about it. But we should be free. Ain’t much to do anyway, not since we finished our last mission a week back.’

Winston nodded, turning away. ‘Right, then I’ll send you the details in a minute. Just let me know if you and Hanzo will be doing it before actually leaving the base, alright?’

‘Hey! That was just one time!’

‘And I hope that’s the last!’

Jesse resisted the urge to stick his tongue out like a child before moving on to his destination – the training room. He just finished breakfast when Winston decided to stop him for a chat. By now, Hanzo should be in the same training room too. He was quite certain that Hanzo would go with him – it was an easy job after all, according to Winston.

And they hadn’t been away from the base for a week – Jesse was starting to get angsty. From the increased frequency of Hanzo voluntarily appearing in the common room after food, Jesse knew he was angsty too. One would think that people like them who were used to being on the run from capture and bounty hunters are able to enjoy being able to stay at a safe place. But that was the exact reason why they can’t – after years to getting used to being on the run, staying at a place for too long just seemed like taunting fate, inviting trouble.

Some of them were able to cope, but then again, they were young yet, or hadn’t had to chance to get used to being on the hit-list. But not Hanzo, and certainly not him.

Jesse hummed in delight when he saw his lover already hard at work, gleaming sweat and satisfaction in the training room. He took a few moments, just standing there and admiring the muscles and movement.

Hanzo truly was his type – strong enough to protect both himself and others. The confidence in his attacks while at the same time cautious and protective during his defenses. His expressive eyes, when he could afford to be expressive. Jesse loved the way that the man can be comfortable with him enough to show emotions, when during the first few months no one could even say truthfully that they had seen Hanzo laugh.

The arrow that flew pass his eyes hit the wall behind him, and Jesse jumped in surprise.

‘You could have been dead, had I aimed for your head.’

‘Naw, come’on darl. I knew you wouldn’t do that to lil’ old me.’ Jesse fluttered his eyelashes at Hanzo while grabbing the arrow beside his head. Hanzo was shaking his head in amusement as he waited for the cowboy to approach him.

‘You were staring a little too hard to be daydreaming. What is on your mind?’

‘Just thinkin’ about us never going on a proper date.’

Hanzo raised his eyebrows in a questioning way. ‘I am sure we did…’ He trailed off, trying to recall an example, but realizing that he can’t.

‘See? All we have are late-night teas, which, don’t get me wrong, I love those. But they ain’t actual dates, ya know.’ Jesse stuck his thumbs in his pockets, relaxing his shoulders. Part of him was busy being amazed by his boyfriend, and how tasty he looked. A small part of him was focusing on that one drop of sweat going down his temple. But most of him was busy thinking up ways to convince his usually reluctant to show affection boyfriend to go out on a date.

Before he could do anything though, Hanzo hummed in agreement. ‘Perhaps it is possible to get out and do… something?’

The happiness in Jesse’s eyes can light up a room. ‘Really?! Then I’ve got something for you!’ He told him about the latest mission they got, and showed him the information that Winston just sent him.

‘Well, it’s close by here, only about an hour flight’, Hanzo mused.

‘And not just that! Apparently there’s a festival of some kind that’ll last for a few days! I’m not sure what they’re celebrating, but a festival is always fun.’

But before he went any further, Jesse peered at Hanzo. ‘That is, if you don’t mind the crowd and stuff, cuz there’s gonna be a whole lot of people. And noises. And touching and knocking over people…’

Hanzo let out an amused huff. ‘Yes, Jesse. I know how a festival would be like. I would be glad to have you with me there. Civilian crowds are… not always fun, but I am fine with it.’

Jesse grinned at the thought of finally having a date with his lover. ‘Yeah! Looking forward to it then! So I’ll tell Winston we’re leaving tomorrow, yeah?’

Hanzo couldn’t help the warm feeling in his chest as he returned the smile.

* * *

The mission was a simple piece of cake, and they were both done within hours, much shorter than the time they had estimated. To be fair, their new source was eager to please them – giving them all the details they need, and more. Simple scouting around the area proved him to be true, and with a short mail to Winston, they were officially off duty for the day, and ready for their first date.

Hanzo would be lying if he said it was amazing, because it really wasn’t.

He had forgotten how to deal with crowds; big crowds that would separate anyone apart when they weren’t careful. Noises everywhere – shouts, yelling, children crying.

Part of him was constantly recoiling from sudden loud noises, and bless Jesse and his kind soul, he realized it within moments.

They found a secluded spot in between two streets, near the corner shop. ‘Ya good?’

‘Perhaps… perhaps I am more out of practice than I thought. It has been quite a while since I was in the presence of such crowds.’ He almost had to shout, even with them being in each other’s personal space.

Unconsciously or not, Jesse leaned down to hear him properly, his hair tickling Hanzo’s nose. His alpha scent washed over him, strong and comforting. Hanzo leaned forward towards Jesse, burying his nose in Jesse’s hair.

‘A’ight, doll. How bout we just grab some food, and go back to our hotels?’

It was a welcomed suggestion, but Hanzo felt like he was giving up, as if he was so weak, such a failure that he cannot even give Jesse a good companionship for a date. ‘No,’ he decided. ‘We have agreed on a date, I shouldn’t have to make you stay at the hotel just because I was uncomfortable. I will deal.’

The nose at his neck startled him a bit. But it was familiar and comforting, the way Jesse had always used to give him comfort. Unconsciously he relaxed his shoulders, and let himself be whelmed by his presence.

‘Hey…’ Jesse crooned. ‘We ain’t need to be outside to have a date. We’ll just get ourselves some food, and a bottle of the finest we can get, ‘kay? Then I’ll ask for a candle, we’ll light it, and you’ll say it’s romantic, and I’ll apologize for not bringing you flowers, then I’ll say it’s because they’ll never be as pretty as you, you’ll smack me, and we’ll have a great time, yeah?’

Hanzo huffed in amusement at that. ‘I have never received any flowers at all.’ He mused.

‘Then I’mma get you the prettiest flowers for our date, what do’ya say?’

Jesse’s tone made Hanzo laugh. ‘What are you doing, talking to me like some child in need of pampering?’

Jesse only grinned, not at all bothered by the accusation. ‘You ain’t no child, but you do need some pampering indeed.’ He nosed Hanzo at his neck, then released him. They both shifted back a little, just outside of each other’s personal space. ‘You wanna head up to the hotel while I grab some food?’

Sometimes Hanzo just had these small explosions of feelings, when he realized just how important Jesse was to him. How sweet, how kind he was.

At any other time, Hanzo would not mind going out to grab some food. But after his experience with the crowd, it was as if his tolerance level for people suddenly diminished. He just didn’t have enough energy to deal with people he wasn’t prepared to deal with. And for some reason, Jesse always knew when he had reached that point, even without him speaking of it.

‘Yes, I would prefer to go to the hotel,’ He said, clearing his throat after a short pause. ‘Perhaps if you would grab some snacks, we can watch a movie…?’

‘Sure thing darl’.’ A little affectionate nudge to the face with his nose, and Jesse was gone with a tip of his hat. Hanzo smiled to himself and turned to return to the hotel.

In the end, it was the perfect first date that they had officially had, even with them being indoors. After the food, after the movie, and after the ridiculously huge bouquet of flowers that the cowboy had just magically made it appear out of nowhere, making Hanzo laugh and at the same time be so full of love he could hardly cope, they finally clambered up to the bed and enjoyed each other’s presence.

The sleep that they had was peaceful, and it didn’t occur to Hanzo until later that that was the first time he ever stayed the night with Jesse. And he didn’t even have a nightmare.

* * *

They woke up in each other’s arms. Well, Jesse woke up first.

He woke up because he noticed that there was hair in his mouth, which was honestly really uncomfortable. And not what he expected to happen.

Then he realized that he had his lovely mate in bed with him. They were curled up together under the sheets, Hanzo’s head nuzzled under his chin, which explained the hair.

Unwittingly Jesse hummed in pleasure and satisfaction, the mixture of their scent as strong as ever. The rumble at his chest must have woken Hanzo up, because the beta gave an annoyed grumble, blinking his eyes open.

‘Ah, s’rry…’ Jesse mumbled, pulling his mate closer towards him. ‘Wasn’t tryna wake you up. Got a’bit happy, is all.’

It took a while, due to Hanzo’s brain needing some time to heat up, but when the words registered, he huffed. ‘About what?’

‘You,’ came the immediate reply. ‘In my bed. In the morning. It’s just as nice as I thought.’ To emphasize that, Jesse cuddled up to him more, practically shoving himself onto Hanzo, making the other man grumbled in annoyance. But it was telling that the man did nothing to stop him, nor push him away.

They spent a while, just dozing in the other’s presence. It was rare enough that they had learnt to enjoy peaceful and quiet moments when they had them. Years on the run, then in Overwatch – either something will be happening soon, or it is already happening now.

For Jesse nothing beats being able to laze in bed, especially if you have company as good as what he’s having now.

But soon enough he could literally start hearing the man beside him _thinking._ Hanzo’s brain always worked overtime, especially when there was nothing to distract him. He used to think that he was at least calm and un-thinking during meditation, but he was unfortunately not surprised when he figured out that Hanzo meditated by thinking about nothing.

Like, actually focusing on thinking about nothing, which made Jesse scoff with a sense of disbelief.

But it worked, for Hanzo at least. And it does seem to make him calmer afterward, so he ain’t dissing that.

And now they’re here, with Hanzo finally deciding to open his mouth and tell him what he was thinking about.

 _(And wasn’t it sad? That even until now, his boyfriend_ potential mate _still had doubts about his personal scars and pain. It seems like he had never told anyone what he felt, what his story was, what he had experienced. Or perhaps it could be that he had tried, only to be rebuked or dismissed without another thought.)_

‘Some times, I…’

After a false start, Hanzo cleared his throat again, and decided to change course. ‘Have you ever. Have you ever dreamt about how you lost your arm?’

It was a personal question, but it wasn’t by far the most personal question Jesse had ever answered. Besides, he had a long time to get used to his arm, and to him that day he lost it was just another day, with a bigger, longer-lasting side-effect.

That’s not to say that he didn’t have nightmares about it now and then, although he wouldn’t classify them as nightmares, because dreams about his prosthetic were on the very bottom of that list.

‘Yeah, well. Not anymore, no. But during the first few years, yeah.’ Jesse easily figured out why Hanzo mentioned this topic out of nowhere.

He won’t lie to himself by saying that that’s Hanzo’s only nightmare, but at least it’s a start.

Sometimes, the best way to handle someone who wants to say something, but was afraid or hesitant to, is to just keep quiet. And cuddling, cuddling works too. Slowly, from splutters of words, to short sentences, to finally the soft full story of how Hanzo lost his legs were told, in bed, with Hanzo remaining in Jesse’s arms the entire time. It wasn’t as bad as Jesse had thought, but at the same time it was worse. Honestly, Jesse wouldn’t have even thought that that’s how Hanzo had lost his legs. If asked, he would’ve speculated during a fight, where Hanzo came out of it alive, but hurt. Hell, he wouldn’t even disagree if someone had said that he lost them due to a torture session.

But an accident? He’d be completely off. Although the fact that he was chased off that cliff meant that it wasn’t _purely_ accidental, but still.

‘I do not understand. I was not even terrified, just angry that they had done that without my permission. Perhaps they thought that amputating my legs as early as possible would have been better, but I would like to at least be asked before them doing so. The consequence was acceptable, however by neglecting to ask for my permission, it didn’t sit well with me.

But even then, I do not understand why my mind would view this as my nightmare, making me watch as my legs were sawed away while I could do nothing, when in reality I was not even conscious, and therefore could feel nothing!’

Jesse had never seen Hanzo this worked up before, and feeling Hanzo’s grip on his arm only made it even more real.

‘Maybe it ain’t the fear towards the amputation, but more of the loss of your legs? Losing a part of you…’ Jesse tried his best, but Hanzo only shook his head. From his look, Jesse could see that it was a familiar argument for him, which was similarly useless even when it was being spoken by someone else. At a loss, Jesse could only do what he’d known best. He held his arms apart, inviting his lover into his arms.

With a glance Hanzo leaned into him, shifting to find a more comfortable position.

And that’s how they spent the morning, seeking comfort in each other’s arms.

* * *

Jesse’s first hint on what’s wrong was when he overheard the Shimada brothers having a hushed argument at a hidden corner, back in the base.

It was a few days after they arrived back in Gibraltar, their bond stronger than ever. Jesse knew not to stick with Hanzo too much though – Hanzo seems to have some sort of limit towards his contact time with people, and although Jesse was currently the number one person Hanzo can interact with for the longest time (followed by surprisingly, Ana), he didn’t want to risk Hanzo overwhelming himself to deal with his clinginess.

He didn’t know how to feel towards the fact that Hanzo cannot stand to be with Genji for too long. In fact, Jesse would be willing to bet that Hanzo would rather spend time with Jack than with his own brother.

So here he was, _not_ with Hanzo, who he knew was spending time with his brother. Jesse hummed a nameless song as he threw his empty can of beer into the trash, figuring that it was as good a time to enjoy some downtime in his room.

He was walking past just another dark room when he heard angry whispers coming from behind the door. It sounded like Genji, whose voice had the robotic undertone.

‘You cannot run away from it for long, brother! Isn’t it better to admit to him before anything else happens? At least it would be from your own mouth, not from the mouth of others, who might create false lies!’

The deep growl surprised Jesse. It was guttural, and it spoke of defensive aggression. But that wasn’t the reason he was surprised. He had never heard Hanzo made those kinds of sounds before. Correction, he had never encountered Hanzo who was that emotional to make those type of noises.

‘It wouldn’t be a problem, as long as _somebody_ shut his god-damned mouth!’

‘You don’t think that he’s gonna find out? Hanzo, that thing is called a _Killer_ for a reason! Even if it doesn’t kill you, you are still hurt by it! It’s been shown that you can’t skip heats-‘

There was a sharp hiss, and quick Japanese overlaying what Genji had to say next, but Jesse still heard the word heat.

Heat? Only Alphas and Omegas are concerned about heats, and none of the Shimada brothers are Alphas and Omegas. Well, Genji used to be, but with his body badly damaged, he may as well be a Beta like his elder brother.

Jesse decided to quietly sneak away. Obviously this conversation doesn’t concern him, else Hanzo would tell him… But it was also obvious that Hanzo definitely didn’t want anyone to know whatever they were talking about. Could it be that the _“he”_ that they were talking about was actually Jesse?

_You know what, let’s just appear in front of them and find out._

‘Hey, I heard yelling. What’s up?’ Jesse pretended to be just walking around the corner and went towards them. The Shimada brothers jumped apart in surprise.

His suspicion that he was the one they were talking about was confirmed when Hanzo’s face paled when they realized it was him. He also didn’t miss the glare Hanzo aimed towards Genji, which the younger brother replied with a shrug.

‘E’rything alright?’ Slowly Jesse approached his lover, exaggerating his movements a bit as he reached out to touch Hanzo’s arm. The flinch was expected, but Hanzo slowly pressed himself against his touch. At least the man didn’t reject his contact.

‘Ah, if Jesse’s here, I’ll take my leave.’ Genji nodded towards him, took a step back and left. Jesse was a bit surprised at how sudden his departure was, but he was also a bit distracted by his lover acting all guilty.

Well, it’s not that he made it obvious, but he’d been watching Hanzo for a long while. He could tell.

‘Everything… is not alright, no.’ His reply was soft. It seemed like he was waiting for Jesse to start demanding what was wrong, and be his generally loud self. Jesse only rubbed his arm with wordless comfort.

‘Hey, no matter what, I’d be fine with it.’ Then his brain decided to think about all the things that Hanzo-of-the-past could have done, and he paused and backtracked. ‘Well, I mean, maybe not _everything,_ but we can work it out. I ain’t the kind of guy to just abandon a relationship just ‘cause of a mistake or two.’

The conversation stalled, but Jesse didn’t remove his hand from Hanzo’s arm until the shorter man looked at him.

‘I have it under control, do not worry. What is in the past, shall stay in the past.’

The determination in his eyes was true – Jesse believed that the man in front of him would probably die before ever letting whatever that caused the brothers to fight, to get to him. So he could only sigh, and (with permission) pulled the man close for a short hug.

He quickly let go before things get awkward for his lover, then guided Hanzo towards the kitchen. ‘I don’t know if you’ve eaten yet, but I can do with some snacks, yeah?’

As Jesse acted that he’d put this behind them, he can’t help but think about it. There _is,_ after all, a reason why Genji was worried, and why they were fighting about it. Genji would have thought that it was something that cannot be hidden, or that the truth will get out in the end. And judging from Hanzo’s reaction, it must be something that he hated, that he had tried his damned best to forget.

Jesse just hoped that it was nothing too bad that he cannot fix, but his instinct was never wrong.

If this thing, this secret is exposed, it will blow up in both Hanzo and his face, and Jesse’s not sure he could fix _that._

* * *

“- And here we are, at the site of the last Omega Killer factory, where the authorities are shutting down its production. As many may know, the Omega Killer, or OK known by their suppliers and buyers, is a type of suppressants for Omegas, aimed to stop any kind of internal production of Omegan’s hormones. Renowned as the best suppressants back when it was first formulated, OK is now known to be the worst, with devastating health effects…”

Hanzo was walking past the common area when he heard the news, and when he heard what was said, he immediately stopped and went back. Lingering at the doorway, he watched, but at the back of his mind, he knew.

His life, as he knew it, was over.

The world seemed to keep moving forward, with or without him.

‘- some reported infertility, others reported ovarian cancer and the likes, due to long-term use of OK. Unfortunately, long term use for this suppressant isn’t the usual 10 or 20 years. All these negative effects are reported just after months of usage.

Experts urge anyone who is currently on OK, even though the pills have already been banned worldwide for 2 decades, to stop cold turkey, and report to the nearest health provider ASAP.

Of course, to Omegas out there looking for suppressants, there are far better options available. Descenting pills can prevent the natural omega scent to be released, while Heat Stopper pills stop heats. Look for any Omegan counselor and they will guide you to the best collection of suppressors to improve your life and prevent your gender from getting the best of you!

Now on with another news…”

Silently, Hanzo backed out of the common room, ignoring how Angela was complaining to Ana about the dangers of OK, ignoring how Hana and Lucio were huffing about how only stupid omegas take OKs, ignoring how Jesse was at the corner of the room, attention on his phone.

He needed a plan, and he needed it now.

* * *

If someone were to ask Genji about his brother, oh boy did he have a story to tell. In fact, once he got over the initial anger stage towards his brother, Zenyatta had the full story, at least from Genji’s side, about Shimada Hanzo.

Genji didn’t tell Hanzo, but in this world, there were only three people alive who knew his secret, and not two as Hanzo thought. The extra one was his master, Zenyatta. And when he told him everything, he meant _every single thing._

He told Zenyatta about how he had loved his brother, just the same as he loved his mother, just the same as he _hated_ his father. He remembered the happy times when he was young, when everything was still fine. Father was still politely distant, and he spent his whole day playing with his brother who watched him like he’s the only star in the sky, and sleeping with his beloved mother beside him.

His brother treated him like he was royalty, his mother treated him like he was her treasure, and his father ignored him for Hanzo, as the elder boy proved himself worthy of being the next heir.

Then his brother went into heat, not that he noticed or knew at first. He only realized a few weeks after the fact, when his mother no longer welcomed his brother into her room, nor even interact with him other than during mealtimes, which only includes polite nods. And father started ignoring Hanzo too, in favor of Genji. Sending to training lessons even though he was still much younger than when Hanzo first started.

He heard whispers from the servants, about Hanzo. Curious and naïve, he asked his mother quietly about what Omega means. To his surprised, mother almost raised her hand and smacked him. Shocked beyond belief, Genji didn’t manage to dodge, but mother realized what she was doing and stopped herself.

At that moment, Genji knew not to mention that word in front of her again.

It was only after long, secret researching and asking that he finally knew what it means for Hanzo to have a heat. It meant that he was an Omega, the lowest of the low. He had brought shame to the family, and that also meant that mother had brought shame to the family. Even though they were planning of hiding the fact from the public, they were still punishing mother for that.

And as Genji was still a child, and he did not understand, he had hated his brother for a while. His young mind had thought that his brother had done it on purpose. That he had decided to not want father's attention, and in doing this _heat,_ he can shift father's focus on Genji. So he tried to get back at him. Doing everything he could to annoy his brother, defying him at every chance, and tried his damned best to beat him in any class. It led him to improve his skills even faster, earning him praises and bringing attention away from Hanzo.

Then their mother died. And Genji’s only support system crumbled with her.

He decided to let himself go at that point. He didn’t care for the Shimada clan – there’s a reason why Hanzo was left alive, wasn’t it? As long as Hanzo was still a Shimada, Genji could be free outside, living the life of a normal boy instead of a potential heir of a criminal empire.

Then their father died too, and Hanzo became the leader, as expected. But Genji didn’t understand why he was needed in every meeting. _He_ wasn’t the leader – Hanzo was. He was born and raised as one, while Genji is the supposed extra, as a replacement if Hanzo died or something.

_It was a long time later, after Zenyatta had talked him through, that he finally realized that being an Omega didn’t mean the same thing for him and for the Shimada elders._

So he rebelled, as usual. Defied all Hanzo’s wish if he could, or be extremely non-cooperative if he could not avoid it.

At the same time, he was already being contacted by the Blackwatch, so while pretending to the playboy that he was, Genji was already sneaking information and giving them out, for an assurance that the Shimada empire will fall.

Yes, he is a betrayer, a traitor. But he rather that, than being someone who is under the Shimada name, being a criminal and the leading cause of death in the underworld of Japan.

But apparently he wasn’t as subtle as he thought. Slowly he was getting less and less information, and in the end almost led to his friends at Blackwatch to their death due to false information. At that point in time, he knew the game was up, and that he wouldn’t even have the chance to run.

Finally, Hanzo decided to end it all, with a fight, then a fatal blow. It didn’t have to be that way – there were multiple ways out given to him by his elder brother. Initial blows weren’t aimed for his vital regions, Hanzo was begging for him to surrender (in his cold harsh way of yelling).

But Genji had enough of the Shimada clan. Wanted nothing to do with the Shimada again, ever. Would rather die than stay. And so they fought.

Until Hanzo made that final blow, that final cut across his back. And he lost consciousness.

He didn’t know how Blackwatch got to him so quickly, how they got his body without being discovered by the Shimada clan. But at that point it did not matter to him.

His elder brother. The only family he had left. His beloved _anija_ had killed him.

It took him a long time to accept that fact. It took him an even longer time to understand that his brother didn’t want to do that, that he had reasons behind it. But he was young, naïve in the way things worked in the Shimada clan. He felt betrayed that his only remaining family member would want to kill him.

Then after everything happened to Blackwatch, when it got disbanded. Losing Gabriel was just as hard on him as everyone else. Everyone he knew went on their own way. And he did too, and found himself a master. Being taught a new way of thinking, a new way of living.

Learning that you can simultaneously love and hate someone, and that you can forgive but you don't have to forget. That was important, because when he finally clued into the fact that Hanzo was not only alive, he was on the run, and that both of them were now the only Shimadas alive, barring any illegitimate children running around – instead of immediately set out to take revenge, Genji immediately set out to try and reconcile with his brother.

He was, deep in his heart, worried for his brother. Hanzo, unlike Genji, had no one with him. He had Blackwatch, and when that got disbanded, he still had the people in Blackwatch, even though they may have gone their separate way. He also had his master. No matter how much he had changed physically, he was still the boy who is always more willing to go out and have fun, rather than staying at home to study or train.

Hanzo…was not. Genji could probably count on both hands just how many times Hanzo had left the Shimada clan area, and all of them were because he was tasked to find Genji. (Some nights, he was actually proud of himself for doing that, not because of how much trouble he had brought his brother, but because he managed to get Hanzo to where _fun_ was, even if he didn't appreciate it at the time).

Hanzo didn’t have friends, no one he could comfortably talk to. And, Genji was ashamed to say, Hanzo was not even comfortable talking to him. Not only that, he was an Omega. Even with suppressants, it was still dangerous for an Omega to be alone out there.

Genji didn’t know if Hanzo was still on the Omega Killer pills or not. Last he heard, it was banned in most countries, including Japan, the place it was first manufactured.

Although knowing how Hanzo was, Genji wouldn’t be surprised if he was still on them. After all, the pills were made by the Shimada especially for him.

People, allies and enemies of the Shimada clan were shocked when the pills were released, with its intended function to – ensure Omegas are able to work without their gender stopping them. Shimada clan had been one of the first and forefront power against Omegas having any power anywhere, be it workplace or in a family.

They had marketed the pills with promises that they had changed their minds towards Omegas, that they had finally realized their usefulness – all the while caging Hanzo in their lab, using him as the lab rat for their drugs, as well as other Omega orphans captured from the streets.

But it had been one of their best decisions yet, for the Omega Killer had brought to them tonnes of money, as well as a better reputation.

As the first-ever suppressants Hanzo had encountered was the OK’s prototype, knowing him, he would have kept on using them even after reports and news discussing their health risks and damages. He may be clever, raised to be the leader of a clan, but Hanzo was not someone to care for his own health. 

So Genji had been a little worried. And that little worry turned into concern when he realised that Hanzo _really had been_ using OK for almost his whole life. His brother didn’t tell him, of course he didn’t. Genji found out the first moment he got physically close to his brother.

There wasn’t a drug on the market (legally or not) that can mask the scent of an omega as clean as the Omega Killer. The usual procedure for an omega to hide their gender was usually through scent blockers, and a huge amount of artificial scent. Both of which will fade with time, usually in a couple of hours. There were pills that can pause or delay heats, but none can truly stop heats from happening. And when Genji realised that Hanzo never took time off for “personal purposes”, he already knew that his brother was still on the illegal drug.

When he heard from his master that the last of the OK underground production line was discovered and forcefully shut down, his concern became full-blown worry.

He was happy that the drug was finally out of production. But he knew his brother very well, and he knew his reaction would not go well with the rest of the team.

* * *

_First things first, Shimada Hanzo. Check your stocks._

_There are bound to be people still with the remaining stocks._

_The Japanese police will also confiscate the pills. But that’s the last resort._

_Get other suppressants? No, they don’t work, idiot. You knew that already. That was why you didn’t switch to anything else even when you’ve left the Shimada clan._ They’ve _made sure that I will forever be dependent on them._

_Calm down. No one needs to know. Genji is still on his mission, no one else knows._

_The pills are shaking… why… No,_ stop shaking! _You do not want to waste any pills now, good for nothing fool! All you know to do is to cause trouble!_

 _… I just want to avoid trouble. No one wants an Omega like me. Isn’t it good to be a Beta? Isn’t it good enough, just for me to maintain this life until I die? Why must it be, that just when I get a taste of happiness, then things_ start crashing down like this!!

_CALM DOWN SHIMADA. Stop thinking, stop self-pitying, and check your stocks!_

_… Alright, still have three months' worth of pills. I can handle this. It’s just the matter of getting to the remaining available stocks underground. I still have hidden cash, and I will get the pills even if I use up all the money!_

_Money means nothing if I am found out._

_My life, means nothing if I am found out._

* * *

Jesse realized quite belatedly, but he did clue into Hanzo’s weirdness a while later, when the man seemed tensed for no particular reason. Rather, in this whole week, he had not seen the man relax, even once. Their nightly tea session still ongoing, however Hanzo had been more and more withdrawn.

If he had to put a word to it, Jesse would say that Hanzo was panicking. It was a low key panic, but he could see the signs.

Thing was, there was nothing that he should be panicking about. No missions, not that Hanzo would be panicking about those – he practically lived his life for missions. No prominent attacks that they had heard, no meetings with any big shots, no news on any unescapable natural or man-made disasters. Nothing.

There was literally nothing going on, and Hanzo was panicking.

He had tried everything that he knew had worked on Hanzo before. He tried just silently being there for him, while projecting _I’m here please talk to me_ vibe, but no dice. He tried to increase the time for him to be physically there for Hanzo, but that just made the man avoid him more. He tried asking around to see if anyone knew what was up, but no one knew. Heck, none of them knew when did this started, much less what was the trigger.

Genji would know, but unfortunately, the man was out for a long-term mission.

There was nothing Jesse could do but wait for his man to come to him on his own. He dared not talk to him. Anything that comes close to forcing the man to do something that he did not want to do will just make Hanzo even more stubborn, and refuse anyone’s help.

The only way now was to just let the man know that he will always be there for him, so that when he finally realized that he could not do it on his own, he will come to him.

* * *

Hanzo’s supplies could only last him for three months.

The three months was torture.

He spent his days gathering information from his usual suppliers and fellow buyers. Not in Gibraltar, of course. He couldn’t risk Athena and her all-knowing eyes on him, even though Winston had repeatedly insisted that Athena wouldn’t have access to their private rooms unless given permission.

Most of his suppliers were all in jail, and when the person who picked up failed to give him their code, he hung up immediately. Some of the usual OK customers decided that as the OK production halted, they had no reason to continue with the drug, and decided that selling them at a much higher price would be worth it.

And of course, desperate as Hanzo was, he bought every single drug he could get. But that only extended his supplies one more month.  
  
He needed more. 

In his mind, he knew that this wasn’t the long term solution. He wouldn’t be able to get the pills for the rest of his life. The Shimada clan was clever – no one knew the formula of the pills except for the leader of the production. Anyone who retired from the production line never made it back home. Even if one had gotten the pill and did an analysis on it, the ingredients don’t equate to the pill. The production team painstakingly made sure that no one knew how to make them.

This was the main reason why Hanzo was panicking. If it were other drugs, at some point similar copies of the drug would be on the market, competing for sales. Never for OK. No one had come close to what OK can do, and no one will.

He knew. He knew what his best option would be here. To come clean, if not to everyone, at least to Dr. Ziegler, to Jesse. To stop using the pills immediately, to get help.

He’s just… He’s scared. He’s fucking terrified. Being an Omega took so many things from him, letting others know that he’s an Omega will mean that he essentially will be losing everything that he has here, in Overwatch.

He would have to leave. No one wants an Omega fighting, especially someone who lied to them ever since they knew him. Defective, weak.

He would have to leave Jesse, because of course the man didn’t sign up for this. Didn’t agree on being a needy Omega’s mate. There was a reason why the man wanted to be with a Beta, like most other Alphas that decided on a Beta as a mate. They didn’t want to deal with an Omega’s heat. No one in their sane mind would.

Hanzo only experienced his real heat twice. Once when he presented, and the second time was his next, when the drug wasn’t ready for consumption yet. Other heats that he may have were weak, suppressed. He felt aroused, but there was no crazed urge to look for a partner. A simple distraction of paperwork or a fight was enough to keep his mind away from the need.

But even with only two heats, he knew he hated the feeling. The feeling of being forced to want something you wouldn’t want with your sane mind. No, he will do whatever he could, never to feel like that again.

But there was nothing else he could do. His best hope was actually the OK producers escaping prison and return to work as soon as possible, but from the news, the vigilant police and authorities promised that that will never happen. He would try to break them out, but he had a suspicion that the moment they escape, they will disappear into thin air. And then his actions would not bring him any benefits, and he would have let criminals escape their well-deserved punishment. No, the producers will remain in custody. 

Hanzo didn’t know what to do, so he did what he does best – keep quiet, and stress about it on his own.

No one he knew would be able to help him anyway.

* * *

Approximately two months after Jesse first noticed Hanzo’s bizarre behavior, he finally had enough.

‘Hanzo, we need to talk.’

He cornered the man while on their way back to their own quarters, which only served to remind the cowboy that they had not shared a bed for the whole two months. It was after a gruesome mission, one where they had almost failed.

It wasn’t only due to Hanzo, but his inattention had only sparked the whole downfall, and from the flight back home it was obvious no one was pleased about it.

Jesse would usually defend his man. After all, it really wasn’t like Hanzo to be so out of it during a fight. But the truth was, Hanzo wasn’t much like Hanzo at all, these past two months, and Jesse had had enough.

Hanzo could have died, if the man hadn’t recovered his wits from wherever it was. That bullet would have gone through his heart, and no matter how good Angela was, there still was no cure for a literal hole through the heart.

Which made Jesse so worried, and when Hanzo was proven to be alive, angry and pissed.

He could see that Hanzo preferred strongly not to talk. He could see that the man, who wasn’t scared after the near-miss, was scared because of what he had told him.

_We need to talk._

But to give the man credit, Hanzo only inclined his head to show that he had heard his request/demand, and led the way to their private room. The room where they used to spend their nights having tea and bask in each other’s company. Jesse said used to, because it hadn’t been happening since two months ago.

A lot of things stopped, two months ago. And until now, Jesse still didn’t know the reason why.

He’ll find out, one way or the other.

They found their comfortable spot -Jesse leaning against the window sill, Hanzo standing close enough to be heard, but far away enough to be able to escape at first notice.

‘Alright, I’ve given you enough time, enough chances for you to talk to me on your own. Given you openings, invitations. But no, ya ain’t talking, so I was like, alright. The man will talk to you soon, seeing just how much the issue is affecting him so much that he couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat properly. But then I also said to myself, it’s chill, Jesse boy.’

Jesse couldn’t help the rant. His anger had been simmering ever since he realized that no, Hanzo was _not_ going to confide in him, which was roughly two weeks in. He’d been worried, and when the person you’re worried about wasn’t even doing anything to help themselves, you get mad.

There was always a fine line between worry and anger. 

While he was ranting, Hanzo was getting tenser. He didn’t do the typical fist and jaw clenching, like others normally would, no. Hanzo always did the bowed head, eyes on the floor. Being defensive, submissive. Sometimes when it went on long enough and Hanzo was feeling very stressed, he would bare his throat. Just a little, by looking to the side. Jesse never acknowledge that - he was sure Hanzo himself didn't know he was doing it.

‘But then today happened. You know what happened today, Hanzo? You almost died. You almost died, because you were so stressed out about something you lost focus. Something that could have been shared, and maybe fixed! If only you’d just tell us, talk to us, talk to me!’

Hanzo shook his head sharply, once, when Jesse mentioned sharing it out.

‘No, I will not! It does not concern you nor anyone else, and I can deal with this!’

‘No, you obviously fucking cannot! Look at you!’ Jesse was yelling, ignoring Hanzo’s widened eyes and his frightful step back. ‘You ain’t sleeping, you ain’t eating well! When was the last time you even sit down and _talk_ to us?!’

From his face, Jesse could tell he couldn’t remember.

‘Fucking hell, doesn’t concern me? DOESN’T CONCERN ME? I am your FUCKING PARTNER! I deserve to at least know what’s wrong so I can try and FIX IT! Not standing here fucking clueless, running around in circles like some headless chicken! Do you know how worried I am?! Do you?!’

Harsh breathing was the only sound in the room. Hanzo had looked away, and if he had turned his head any further it would look like the typical submissive posture Omegas usually portray. Instead, it just made Jesse even more furious, because even now, even after speaking it out loud, yelling, demanding – Hanzo still had no intention of confessing.

At this point, Jesse was done. He knew that whatever it was, it was so bad that Hanzo would never disclose to him willingly, and he ran out of options on making him speak unwillingly. He could knock the man unconscious to make him sleep, force-feed him, make sure he will not have any permission to go on any missions – but these will not help.

He’s out of options, and he’s done.

‘If after these past months, after everything, you still cannot trust me, cannot trust the team, maybe the fault lies in you, and not me, not us. I’ve done all that I could, and the rest of the team may not be as invested, but trust me, they’d noticed. You don’t want to confide in us, alright, fine. I’ve done the most that I can do, and now it should be your turn.’

Without turning back, Jesse left the room.

* * *

Genji was practically rushing home by the time his mission was done. It had been around two months since his master told him about the Omega Killer news, and as he had predicted, things had not gone well with his brother.

From what Zenyatta had told him, Jesse and Hanzo had a huge fight after an almost-failed mission, and since then they had not talked to each other at all.

‘Winston had given them warnings. I did not hear about what, but I can guess that it is about their argument. He had warned them to not let it affect the team dynamics during the upcoming missions. He wanted that to be the trigger for the two to work their problem out, but so far nothing was done. Winston had banned them from going onto the same mission.’ Zenyatta had told him.

Knowing his brother and Jesse, it was definitely Hanzo that’s causing all this misery.

‘Or rather, Hanzo had been banned from any mission until he has a better state of mind.’ Zenyatta added as they walked back to the base. ‘It was obvious that there is something affecting the man, but as he does not want to share, no one is able to help him.’

Other people may not know why, but Genji certainly does.

‘Thank you for telling me, Master. Now allow me to go look for my idiot _anija_.’

They parted ways.

As usual, the first place Genji went to when he wanted to find his brother was all the hidey-holes his brother frequent, but to his surprise he wasn’t in any of them. No one had seen his brother today – rather, no one had seen him at all this past week, not even Jesse.

The man was at the training room, hitting up a storm with one of the simulation training. Genji politely waited for him to finish before calling out for his attention. It was obvious that Jesse was in a bad mood from his tone and the way he nodded towards Genji instead of the usual smile and greeting.

Genji started off with an apology because he knew Jesse will never get it from Hanzo.

‘What for? Ain’t you the one who should be apologizing.’ Was the sharp reply.

_Oohh it’s going to be hard for Hanzo to win back Jesse’s affections. If he really wants to, that is._

‘Please don’t hit me or anything, but I may have a suspicion on why Hanzo is acting the way he is.’ Genji decided to come clean. ‘I won’t tell you, but I can do my best in convincing him to tell instead.’

Jesse frowned and gave a second glance towards him. ‘… Does this have anything to do with your fights sometimes with Hanzo?’

It was then that Genji remembered some of the few times Jesse had interrupted them while he was trying to convince his brother to confess his gender. ‘…Yes.’

Hearing that response, Jesse only huffed sarcastically. ‘Yeah, sure Genji. Try to convince that knobhead of anything that is even remotely helpful, and he runs for the trees and he’ll never come back. I just…’ A sigh, and the man rubbed his face, his shoulders drooping not just because of the physical exhaustion from the training, but also the mental frustration from dealing with his brother.

‘I just want to help him. I know he’s dealing with something that might be so out of his control that he just freaked out and … I dunno, barricading himself so what he was running away from won’t come to him. But all of us know that’s not how we solve our problems. I want to help, but when you get rejected so many times…’ Jesse shrugged while shaking his head. ‘I might as well not bother anymore.’

‘He’s just… He’s just scared, Jesse. I don’t usually use that word with him, but I think, in this case, it fits. He’s scared that once you know the truth, you’ll up and run.’ Genji mimicked Jesse, shrugging. ‘I’ll try, but Jesse. Just give him time.’

That was apparently the wrong thing to say. Jesse slammed his fist to the wall beside him. ‘Time? All I’ve given him _was_ time! I gave him _two months!_ I love him, but that does not allow him the right to hurt me with his silence!

‘If you see him later, tell him that!’

Jesse strode away, and Genji huffed a frustrated sigh.

_Well, alright then. Now it’s time to face the bigger annoyance._

* * *

Genji finally found his brother, hiding in his own room.

He had to knock insistently just for the man inside to be so annoyed he had to come and get the door.

‘Oh Hanzo…’

The man that he saw at the door was not at all like the man he had left, a few months ago before his mission. He was unkempt, unshaven, not dressed.

‘Have you come before me just to gloat about how you’ve told me so?’ The man demanded, but at the same time his tone was so dead and uncaring that Genji felt hurt in his brother’s behalf.

‘No, I’ve just come to check on you, and I’m glad I did. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.’

He practically manhandled his brother into the bathroom, making him shave, shoving him into the shower, and grabbed his clothes while the man was cleaning up. With the shower running, Genji took some time to make some tea that he knew his brother preferred.

It took a while, and two attempts in reheating the tea, before Hanzo finally came out of his shower, looking more human. Genji gestured at the tea he’d prepared on the table, and with a nod of gratitude Hanzo sat down opposite of him.

Unconsciously synchronizing, the two of them took a sip.

‘… Thank you.’ Hanzo said quietly, into the silence.

‘It’s what all brothers will do.’

Genji watched as his brother enjoyed the tea as if it will be his last. Perhaps for him, he really thought that would be his last, but Genji will do whatever he can, fight whoever opposes him, and remove any obstacle, just to make sure his brother can live through this.

They had gone through so much, almost half a century in this world, trying to figure out where they belong, trying to fix all the mistakes they had made purely because no one was there to guide and teach them the right way. He’ll be damned if he let this thing come between him and his brother, or between his brother and the rest of the world.

He just wanted his brother to have a better and happier life, and he’ll do anything for that, even when Hanzo was the one stopping himself.

‘Hanzo… you know this cannot go on.’

The click of the cup onto the table sounded both desperate and resigned if a sound could be that. ‘I don’t have any choice now, do I?’ Hanzo’s gaze did not leave the table. ‘Without the suppressants, I can no longer be… I-'

A sigh, and Hanzo took another deep breath.

‘I’ve spent decades of my life, just to wash away the stains of being omega from me. I knew very well the effects of the Omega Killer towards me, in the way that I understand that its negative effects towards me are lesser compared to others using the drugs, as my body had slowly been accustomed to it. I used it to kill the omega in me, so I may finally be who I want to be, and not what my gender determines me to be.

‘I know it will kill me eventually, but everyone dies in the end. It only takes my life, but in return, it gave me so much more.’

Hanzo met his brother’s eyes, and Genji could understand how his brother had believed that for almost his whole life.

‘It gave me a new life, and now without it, it’s as if I’ve died.’

* * *

But no matter what Hanzo thought, no matter how much he did not want to. The fact was, that by not saying anything, he was losing more of what he once had.

His work, his social life (which he thought he was lacking until he truly had none of it), and Jesse.

Jesse.

They hadn’t talked to each other ever since their fight. But honestly, Hanzo hadn’t talked to anyone in their team for a long time. Most of the older members were affected by the mission that almost failed, as well as the fact that all of them knew something was hounding Hanzo, but with him keeping his silence, no one was willing to step forward. Except for Jesse, but after the fight, he too left Hanzo in peace.

Ha, peace.

The younger ones were more obvious in their effort, at first. Hana, namely, was the one trying so damned hard. Hanzo could see it, the little lady’s adoration towards him. Perhaps he was one of the few Asians in the team, perhaps he reminded Hana of her family. She really tried.

But well, if Jesse wasn’t enough to convince him, Hana definitely was out of the question. So when Hanzo gave her the cold shoulders once too many times, she too, stopped.

_After a long silence, his younger brother,_ the one who he thought he had lost forever, who had joined mother, father, and everyone else on the other side, _moved to sit beside him. Hanzo stiffened as he felt Genji leaned on his shoulder, the weight surprisingly similar to a normal human, even though most of his body were no longer human._

 _‘I know you are afraid,_ anija. _But you don’t have to worry. If you tell them, and Jesse leaves you for this – hell, if anyone condemns you for being who you are born as, I will kick their ass, and then the both of us shall leave this place._

_‘I will stay with you, brother. But only if you take this next step. Tell them, Hanzo. You might be surprised by their reactions.’_

The thought of confessing, of telling, made him froze. Even now, days later, he still couldn’t bring himself to go out of his room.

It was perhaps a good time for Genji to return, or else he would gladly starve to death than face this problem.

But… He should listen to his brother. Genji, no matter how much of a brat he was when he was younger, had now finally grown up to become a much better man than he or their father could ever be. To face your problems head-on is a sign of a true man, a true leader.

Ha, but he wasn’t a true man now, was he? Not the way it mattered.

No no. Stop that. Stop distracting yourself from what is important. Jesse. Confessing. Apologizing.

Apologize. Now that’s something his father hated the most from him.

_Shimadas never apologize! They think their decision through, and thus that decision is final and true. Apologies are for losers and weaklings, and Shimadas are neither._

_(Except you)._

APOLOGIZE. To Jesse. Because he deserved that at the very least. Saying “sorry for not telling you that I was born an Omega, but I didn’t like being an Omega, so I decided to keep using the drug that the Shimadas had made just for me, that ended up being so effective they decided to sell it, and earn so much that sometimes I think the only reason I wasn’t dead was due to my father’s gratitude towards me being the trigger for the Omega Killer. Anyway, I took the suppressants for almost my whole life, so when the trade got shut down I did not know what to do, so I did what I did best, kept silent. Sorry for not telling you. You can kick me out now if you want.”

And the best-case scenario that Hanzo could even imagine was Jesse really kicking him out. Because anything else will involve… well, honestly, Hanzo couldn’t bear to imagine anything other than that. Because anything better than that would be lies and worthless imagination, and anything worse than that would just… hurt.

He… hurts. He’s tired, and he didn’t know what to do to make himself feel better. Perhaps this is what drug addicts feel when they were forced to go cold turkey.

The one thing that seemed to protect you, to buffer you from the outside world, gone. The crutch that helped you go through the real world, gone. Even though you know how bad it could be, that the drug would kill you. But real-life hurts even more.

_Alright, Shimada Hanzo. Time to face it. The quicker you deal with this, the quicker you get to leave, the quicker Jesse, everyone to forget you. If you do it clever enough, maybe you can leave Genji out too, and finally remove the dirt that dirties other people’s life._

Even though he had already decided, it still took him a few days before he could finally muster up the courage.

That day, Hanzo finally left his room in search of Jesse. The days before were used to pack his stuff into bags that can be easily carried. Genji did come by and gave him some help, even though he didn’t believe that it was necessary.

But no matter what his brother said, Hanzo needed to do this. It gave him the illusion that he still had control of his life, that the moment they even think about chasing him out, he would already be ready to go. The moment they show that they’re tired of his presence, he will go. No questions, no hesitation.

He found Jesse in the common room, with Ana as his company. It was early in the morning, early enough that most of their team would either still be asleep, or just woken. Hanzo chose this time to emerge from his room because he knew that Jesse usually wakes up early in the morning, and he wanted to avoid making a spectacle of himself when he appeared in front of everyone after hiding for a long time.

Yes, hiding, because he admitted to himself that what he was doing was really a coward’s way. Hiding, running away. He’d been a coward ever since he matured into an omega. But no more.

No more.

* * *

Jesse was conversing with Ana about something inconsequential when he heard hesitant footsteps at the doorway. He was sitting with his back towards the door, so it was Ana who was sitting right opposite of him who saw the person approaching them. The surprise and quiet “oh my” made Jesse turn in curiosity.

It was Hanzo, which was both surprising and not. But just the sight of him brought him the twinge in his heart that Jesse thought he wouldn’t feel for Hanzo again. Yet, here the man was. Unkempt, messy hair and all, but still Hanzo. Jesse found himself unable to keep his eyes off of the man. They hadn’t seen each other for a long time, and the last time Jesse had seen or talked to Hanzo, it was their fight.

God, it’s only at this moment that he laid his eyes on him that Jesse realized just how much he missed him. And how much impact this man had on his life.

‘Hanzo.’ Ana called out, when the silence dragged on for too long, both of them just staring at each other without words. ‘It is very good to see you.’

Jesse agreed. Not just because he missed him, but also because Hanzo’s presence after such a long disappearance means that –

‘Jesse.’ Hanzo said, after a nod of acknowledgment towards Ana. ‘I’m ready. To talk.’

This meant that he’s finally going to confide in him. _Finally._

‘Yeah.’ Jesse stood up, grabbing his hat from his side. With a smile of encouragement from Ana (though he wasn’t sure if it's directed towards him or Hanzo, or it could really well be both), they left the common room and made their way to _their_ room.

The room where they’d spent countless nights, basking in each other’s company, back before everything came crashing down. But it’s alright, Jesse mused. Hanzo’s ready to talk, and he’s ready to listen, and they can finally work towards fixing whatever made Hanzo so skittish, so ready to bolt.

And Jesse would make it very clear to him, that nothing, _absolutely nothing_ will drive him away from Hanzo’s side. Unless Hanzo really wanted him gone, he’s going to do his best to stay with him.

* * *

They had been sitting in the room for five silent minutes before Jesse lost his patience.

‘Look, I’d get it if you changed your mind. Just let me know, and I’ll be on my way.’ His tone was not pleasant, but that was understandable. The man had been waiting for an explanation for a very long time, and when it seemed that he will get his answer, here was Hanzo, being a coward.

Again.

The items in Hanzo’s pocket felt like it was burning into his skin. He was acutely aware of what was inside his pocket, and

His hands were shaking

He didn’t know if he should

Or should not

But he had already told himself he would

_No, stop_

_Jesse is here, now_

With a deep breath, Hanzo reached for the Omega Killer pills in his pockets, and let them drop from his hands onto the table, where they both can see. A small pile of colorful pills, with non-conspicuous shape, fell onto the table, with some bouncing off and onto the ground. 

Hanzo expected Jesse’s frown. To a normal person’s eyes, to someone who had never seen OK before, these looked like children’s candy. Only those people who were in the loop would know better – the almost crescent-like shape were hard to notice, but still visible to those looking for them. And the fact that all of the pills were like that, proved that the shape was a deliberate act.

‘What’s these?’

‘… you’ve heard about them before. On the news.’

Hanzo wanted to explain more, but the tap of Jesse’s fingers on the table made him pause. He knew that was Jesse’s silent request for a pause while he was figuring something out.

But the silence only seemed to stress Hanzo out. So to abate that, he kept talking.

‘I’ve been taking them ever since my first… when I was twelve. Perhaps that was inaccurate; I’ve taken the first versions of the drug, and based on my reactions, they switched and changed the formula until it did what it was supposed to.’

Jesse remained silent, but Hanzo knew from the tilt of his head that he was listening.

‘It took them almost 5 years until they have perfected the formula to get the effects they wanted. By the time they were done… I could not imagine my life without them. They are… perfect, and nothing else on the market could compare. Yakuza as they were, they knew this could rake in millions, and who would say no to extra cash?’

Hanzo’s eyes were still on the pills, openly laying on the table. So different from what was always the case – under the table, hidden in bags or cloth. Even as he was watching, his hands were itching to keep them, to hide them. They’re illegal, yes, but they’re precious to him, pills that made sure his life was as he dictated it, not dictated by his gender.

‘I kept on using them, even when the Shimada clan was all but a shadow of themselves. Fortunately enough, the fall of the clan did little to affect the manufacture of the pills. I was able to get them easily enough, with the right contacts, and money. And that’s how I’ve lived for decades, until…’

He was stopped by a gentle touch on his arm. Dragging his eyes up to Jesse’s, he held his breath.

‘Until the final production site of Omega Killer was stopped, and you didn’t know where else to get your pills.’

The word _Omega Killer was almost spat_ out by Jesse, as if even mentioning the pills by its name disgusted the cowboy. Hanzo couldn’t do anything else but nod.

_That’s it. The secret’s out._

It did not make him feel better, contrary to what Genji promised him. Instead, the sense of dread just grew, until Hanzo could feel it pushing against his chest, tingling in his palms. The hammering of his heart, sweat pooling at his back, mouth going so dry he had to keep swallowing or he feared that his tongue would stick onto the roof of his mouth. 

Quietly, he sat as Jesse visibly reigned in his temper. The man was angry, as expected.

_Of course Jesse would be angry. I’ve hidden the truth, made him lay in bed with a liar. I’ve brought dirt into his life._

_I’ve made everyone here believed that I was capable of doing things that omegas are not able to. Made them confide in someone whose life is a lie. Betrayed their trust, and seemingly laughed at their stupidity._

The sudden movement of Jesse made Hanzo’s heart stop for a moment. The way he grabbed him by the arm to pull him up with him was also frightening, even though Hanzo could feel no intention to harm.

‘We need to go to Angela, right now.’

The idea of telling another person, after gathering so much courage to tell one, it was too much.

‘NO! I do not - !’

‘Hanzo.’

He was pulled closer towards Jesse, his partner, his lover, his _alpha._ Jesse said nothing more than his name. They were standing, but he was in Jesse’s arms. His alpha (no not his alpha anymore, is it?) rubbed his cheek against his, scent-marking him the way alphas do when trying to give comfort. The deep rumble in his throat that Hanzo could feel from where their chests were touching.

Hanzo’s nails dug into flesh – he grabbed Jesse’s arms too hard. Shaking.

‘I know you don’t wanna. I know you probably didn’t want to tell me either. But you get why I’m bringin’ you to Angela, right?’ The man whispered in his ears, calm and soft. Like one would talk to skittish wild animals. Hanzo didn't know how he felt about equating himself as a skittish wild animal. 

‘We need to know what the drug had done to you. We need to see if there’s anything that we can do. I know you’d be saying that you’ve lived so long without anything, and I’m glad. I really am. But just in case, alright?’

He understood, he really did. The last time he had ever done a full body checkup with a medical professional was when he was back in the Shimada clan. Even when he joined Overwatch, he did not give Doctor Ziegler his permission to do anything other than to heal obvious wounds, and she had complied. Not happily, but she did not pry.

But he’s so tired. He just told someone a secret that he had kept for his whole life. Those that knew, knew not because he told them, but because they found out. Jesse was the only person he told.

And to tell another person right after? He cannot.

Hanzo tried to grab at Jesse before realizing that he was already holding him. So instead he grabbed the man’s collar and pulled him closer so he didn't have to talk at his normal volume. It felt that after everything that had happened today, he didn't even have the energy to speak. Jesse bent down slightly to allow the movement. He was no longer trying to make Hanzo walk out the door.

‘I cannot- I. One person is enough today. I cannot handle.’ Hanzo took another breath, trying to calm himself. ‘I promise. Tomorrow. We can go tomorrow. Not today.’

When Jesse still had that furrowed brows and that tick at his jaw, Hanzo pressed his forehead against his shoulder.

‘Please.’

A pause, before a sigh. ‘Alright. Let it be on a record that I don’t like this, but I won’t make you do it today.’

‘So you are not. You are not angry at me? For keeping this from you?’

‘Ha, no. You wish. I am so angry, I’m beyond pissed.’ As if to disprove his own words, Jesse only pulled him closer. His arms were around his back, one warm, one cool. ‘But. I’m glad that you told me. Better late than never, and all that. And I think you can’t handle much more emotions right now.’ The hand rubbing his back had never been more welcomed.

This was his first contact with his alpha for months. Hanzo was so sure that his limbs were not functioning. The only thing that kept him upright was that his knees were locked and couldn't bend.

‘It’s alright, babe. Come on, to your room, then to bed. I’ll take care of you. You’re amazing, ya know that? So brave, telling me even though you don’t wanna. I know you don’t wanna. You’ve been fighting Genji about this, haven’t you? Trying to keep this huge thing a secret, you idiot. You think I’m gonna just leave you cuz you’re an omega? The only reason why I left you alone in the first place is because you’re hurting but you don’t tell me why, and I’m pissed about that. Cuz it’s obvious you know why you’re hurting, but you don’t tell me so I can’t help. That’s why I’m angry.’

His soft rant kept Hanzo going as they left the room and aimed for Hanzo’s quarters. There weren’t many people outside the hallway, and Hanzo’s room was the closest.

If Hanzo had the capability to do more thinking, he would be ashamed to let Jesse see how messy his quarters were. It wasn’t as bad as before Genji came, but it was definitely worse than the time Jesse last came by.

They finally lied down on the bed. The rant that Jesse had going, all the while as they walked back to Hanzo’s room, was really helpful, even if Hanzo couldn't pay more attention to it other than to _listen_. The explanation of why Jesse was angry really made a difference for Hanzo.

For the first time, someone actually told him _why_ they were angry. His father liked to make that a lesson for Hanzo – ask him what he did to make his father angry. If he got it right, he was forgiven; if he got it wrong, more punishment awaited. His father was very creative with punishment.

He knew that because he never got the question correct.

They settled onto bed with their usual positions (Hanzo using Jesse’s shoulder as a pillow, curling up against him so that his nose was right where Jesse’s neck meet his shoulder), and it was so weird for Hanzo that they can just settle into their position like that. Even after months of getting the cold shoulder treatment. Months of not talking.

‘We’ll have a long chat about what is acceptable in a relationship with me, and what is not. But you’re okay, sweetheart. Thank ya for tellin’ me, and we can deal with everything tomorrow, yeah?’

He gave a hum of agreement, andthe scent of his alpha and the skin contact lulled him to sleep.

* * *

Jesse laid down, with Hanzo by his side. It was both surprising and unsurprising that the moment he laid down with him, the man quickly fell asleep. He knew that because all of a sudden Hanzo's full weight was on him, and he could say truthfully that he missed this. He missed Hanzo, even though he was _a total idiot who didn't know that he could trust Jesse with things like this._

He could imagine the stress the man must have gone through, but at the same time he couldn’t really get it.

Hanzo had taken the drug, called the _Omega Killer_ because that’s what the drug did. It caused so much damage to an omega’s body that they end up dying. With organ failures, hormonal imbalance, neurodegenerative properties… And the man had said that he took them ever since… Probably ever since he presented.

Jesse really can’t help but wonder – how was Hanzo even alive?

His Ma was a proud omega, surrounded by assholes and trash that deemed omega lower than animals. His father was never in the picture, leaving after his youngest sister was born. Only his Ma was there, the omega single mother raising four kids on her own on a farm. As he grew older, he realized just how much his Ma had done for all four of them.

He praised all and every god he knew when he presented as an alpha, because that just meant that he could _help._ Not in the common sense of a child helping with housework or anything. He could help chase any unwelcomed suitors, usually big alpha males who think so high and mighty of themselves. Trash those assholes that thought a simple swift of alpha scent will make his Ma come running.

Then his younger brother presented as alpha, both sisters as betas, and his Ma had never been happier.

Some nights, when it was just him and his Ma, they would be talking into the late night. She would sigh, ‘God, Jesse. Thank the gods no one presented as an omega.’

He knew what she meant by that. Sally McCree didn’t want her children to be omegas purely because she knew how bad it could be for them in this world, in this situation. When good pills were expensive, and cheap pills only lead to high hospital bills later on. When omegas were expected to marry old alpha men to give them children, and bringing with them a dowry so huge it sometimes will bankrupt the family. If one thought they can just marry off their omega without paying dowry, the omega will be kidnapped, and everyone knew the outcome of that.

His Ma was a strong omega, but if it wasn’t because his father had been there for the years while Jesse grew up, she would never be able to take care of four kids of her own. So that’s the only thanks Jesse would willingly give his father – for staying until Jesse was old enough to defend his mother.

So Jesse knew and respected omegas. He was raised with the thinking that omegas deserved rights just as much as the normal alpha and beta, and under certain circumstances deserved more.

Now, his partner was sleeping next to him. The partner that he thought was a beta.

Unlike other normal people, Jesse dated anyone that caught his eye, may it be alpha, beta, or omega. Essentially, gender didn’t matter to him. So if Hanzo was worried that he would turn him down because he was now an omega instead of a beta, Jesse’ll gladly tell him that he’s wrong.

He did need to refresh himself on how to date an omega instead of a beta though. Now that he may need to deal with his partner’s heats … But Lord knows what the pills had done to Hanzo and his heat cycle. The reason why this had never ever occurred to him (the fact that Hanzo’s hiding his secondary gender) was because omegas simply had it the worst. Their heat cycle alone was hard to hide – no suppressants available legally can stop heats. They can only work to delay them. If one were to go for the extreme, they can have surgery to remove their entire reproductive organs, which most omegas don’t (because their reproductive organs and their high fertility define their identity).

But not only that. There’s so much more to deal with. Their argument, Hanzo’s health check-up, their expectation out of this relationship now that the truth was out. Getting whatever information Hanzo can manage to give about his past (getting it out from Genji if the man didn’t talk).

Jesse won’t say that the way he had dealt with Hanzo keeping secrets was well done. He could see that his leaving him alone was making Hanzo even worse. The man was already at rock bottom, and when Jesse gave up on making him talk, he got even worse. Sometimes, when he was alone in bed, he would regret how he had dealt with this. But at the same time, it was not fair to himself, that he was always the one that gave the effort to keep this relationship floating.

If Jesse was honest to himself, he had some secrets to tell too. And he will, when it is appropriate to tell. But at least his secrets and his dark past didn’t and will not cause him any harm, not like what hiding his secondary gender had done to Hanzo.

And it wasn’t fair, that Jesse was the one pushing, and at that point, he was done pushing. It’s like pushing against a mountain trying to make it move, and he was done trying to do the impossible.

Which made him glad that Genji was back and managed to talk some sense into Hanzo. After the fight, and the cold shoulders, Jesse missed his partner, his boyfriend. _Hanzo._

He was glad, though, that Hanzo finally saw some sense in him to tell Jesse. To trust him enough to talk. He was brave to do so – Jesse knew how uncomfortable it was, to spill a secret. And it was a secret he had kept for decades.

Gods, decades. If what Hanzo said was true, that he was on the pills immediately after his heat, he could not _imagine_ what the damage was to his body. Which was why he had demanded the man to go to Angela. He now knew that it wasn’t a good time, but god damn.

Jesse was almost afraid for him, for tomorrow.

But it was fine. He had his mate back, and he’ll love him even more.

* * *

For support, Jesse messaged Genji to accompany them to Angela the next day. He had coaxed Hanzo out of bed and to the washroom, but not before telling him that he would be gone a while to get himself cleaned up. Jesse did get changed and everything, but he had time to give Genji a quick message.

Once Hanzo was done, Jesse and Genji were waiting for him outside. Hanzo looked surprised to see his brother, but the Shimadas didn’t say a word to each other. Genji only clapped a hand on Hanzo’s shoulder, and off they went to Dr. Ziegler’s.

Her eyes went as wide as it could when Jesse told her (after Hanzo refused to, and made Jesse do it). But, to Hanzo’s surprise and relief, she did not act too much out of the ordinary. Instead, she had him up on the examination table and started to check his body vitals.

While the machine was running, she asked him questions that only Hanzo knew, so he was forced to answer those questions instead of making Jesse do it for him. Things like when he started taking the pills, what were the initial purposes, initial effects, any side effects, et cetera.

There were a lot of medical terms thrown out by Dr. Ziegler after she had gotten most of the test and scan results, but essentially, parts that make him omega, including his reproductive organs (uterus and ovaries, mainly), his scent glands, and hormonal glands that produce the pheromones and hormones important for his gender were either heavily damaged by the drug, or atrophied (wasted away due to lack of usage). His symptoms were similar to other omegas with OK-overdose, but the only reason he survived was most probably due to him starting with trial drugs.

‘Your body must have had the time to adapt to the much harsher effects that the final version of the drug produced, because you have been exposed to the slightly weaker effect of the trial drugs. They must have started with mild drugs that won’t kill you. Your body got used to the lower concentrations of the drugs, so when the dosage ultimately increased, your body didn’t need to suffer through the sudden change like other users.’ Was what Dr. Ziegler said, studying the information in front of her.

‘It’s safe to say that you are most likely infertile due to the damage, but in this case and if it were me, I would be happy to still be alive.’ Her tone was not impolite, but Hanzo could tell that she definitely was angry at something. Probably anger towards him for hiding this for so long. For lying to her, for lying to them, everyone.

As for being fertile or not… Hanzo himself had no issue about it. Even when he was younger, having a child was never in any part of his, or his clan’s plan. Perhaps when he had outlived his usage in the clan, and had gotten married out to another clan, then he may have to think about having heirs. But Hanzo left the clan before this could happen, and then he was running for his life. No child deserves the life of having to look over your shoulders every day, every single moment of your life.

So the only problem would be from Jesse’s side, and Hanzo raised his head to look at Jesse, who was sitting beside him. Genji was leaning against the wall on Hanzo’s far left, away enough to automatically be out of the conversation, but near enough for Hanzo to take comfort in.

Jesse didn’t say a word though, only squeezed his hand. Hanzo could read _‘we can talk about this later, in private’_ from his eyes, so he nodded in agreement. That conversation was definitely better in private.

So instead, he turned his attention back to Dr. Ziegler.

‘I’m going to give you some supplements to try and reverse the effects of the drug, as well as some of the known cure for the drug, just to see if it will help matters. Your main problem is that your hormones are imbalanced, and they had been like this for the past few years, even decades. I think that if you have taken the pills for the rest of your life you would have lived as a beta and pass like a beta with minor health issues. That, or suffer from a severe complication due to organ failure and die.

‘But, since you are going to go without the drugs, there’s a chance that your body will not be able to cope with the sudden upsurge of your omega hormones when they are no longer being suppressed.’ The doctor bit her lips in apprehension. ‘I am not an expert in these kinds of medical issues, I would have to check with some colleagues that are – all while keeping silent on your condition, of course.’ She quickly added when she noticed Hanzo’s slight panic.

‘For now, how many pills you have left? And what is your schedule of taking them?’

Thankfully, Hanzo still had some stock left. He also believed that somewhere in this world, the remaining pills not being destroyed can still be found in the black markets and science laboratories. There would not be enough for him to cover for the rest of his life, though.

‘We’ll start up a schedule for you to come off the dependence of the drug slowly, so it won’t shock your system into reacting badly. Just let me get some expert opinion, and we’ll meet up again next week.’

Then, she sat down beside Hanzo, at the opposite side where Jesse was.

‘As your doctor _and_ as your friend, I am truly horrified by what you have been through. I would be demanding reasons why you did not come clean to us, but I think I’m not the best person to do that; the rest will do that enough for me. I’m just very glad that you finally did come clean, and that your body currently is still healthy enough that I won’t be too worried about you dying suddenly due to the complications usually involved with OK-overdose.’ She touched him gently on the arm.

‘Doctor-patient confidentiality aside, I will not reveal your condition to anyone else unless it had caused, or will cause you any harm. But also, I would recommend you to tell everyone, eventually. I know that the Shimada clan doesn’t look at omegas well, but I assure you, here at Overwatch, you have proven yourself well enough not to let your gender be the thing that people will look at differently.’

This could be the first time Dr. Ziegler ever said so much to Hanzo. In a way, it gave him a different perspective, and since he was not very close to her anyway, having her say that she would still accept him for who he is, really helped matters.

He inclined his head. ‘Thank you, Dr. Ziegler.’

She returned it with a smile. ‘I think we are on first-name basis now, shouldn’t we? Unless you prefer not to, I understand.’

The hand squeezing his was warm, and it gave him the confidence that he had always lacked, ever since he had his first heat.

‘Thank you, Angela.’

* * *

Actually, when Hanzo was on the run from his clan (and his past), he imagined how the reveal would go.

He thought of himself being captured for weeks or months, until his stash of pills on his person was depleted. He thought maybe he would go through a heat in a jail cell. Every omega said that the heat after you stopped your suppressant intake would be twice as bad as your normal heat. The longer you had gone through life with the suppressants, the worse your heat will be.

And Hanzo had been suppressing his heat ever since he presented as an omega. The only heat he had gone through was his first one, the one that ultimately sealed his fate. He could only imagine how bad his heat would be, if this were to ever occur.

Or, someone from his past would spill the secret. His secondary gender was a secret to most of the clans, but not to all. The elders knew, because anything the Shimada clan leader does need to go through them first. Even though they had taken the oath that they will not share this secret, the oath keeper who was Hanzo’s father was now dead. No one will be upholding their oaths, and thus they are now free to talk.

So perhaps the bounty hunters had heard that the infamous kinslayer Shimada Hanzo had such an obvious weakness that they would be stupid to not take advantage of. A normal heat inducer wouldn’t be enough though – OK wasn’t the ultimate omega suppressants for nothing. But if the elders had talked, they would have surely given the information that Hanzo was on OK.

But what if he was given a dozen doses of those heat inducers? Going into heat in a cell, with strangers around him that can see him in that condition.

Begging to be debased, to be treated like an animal, to behave like an animal. It’s what the elders and his father said. The ability for someone to go into heat means that they clearly are more animal than other genders.

(He was young then, and he had believed them fully, without any doubt in his heart. They were his elders, adults that obviously knew more than he did. He never thought that they would lie, not until he was out of the cage, and into society.

But by then, that type of thinking had stuck.)

However, in all honestly, after the first few years of him escaping from his clan and there was no news about him and his gender, Hanzo knew that either the elders had something else up their sleeves, or they just didn’t want the secret out. Perhaps it was humiliating for them to have an omega be a potential clan leader – they had made this whole situation with Hanzo being a beta so that he was still acceptable to be the clan leader, and also be an alpha’s mate so he could be controlled. But if the news got out that he was an omega, it would be a disgrace that can threaten Shimada’s place in their circle.

So no, after that first few years, Hanzo was quite sure that he would die as a beta.

He didn’t even think about the possibility that he wouldn’t be able to take the drug. It had been in his life for so long that he just cannot _imagine_ being without it.

But that’s the reality now.

* * *

Hanzo begged off having his food at the usual dining area. Sweet as Jesse was, he didn’t push; he only ushered the man back to his room and went to get both their food. Genjii walked with him to the kitchen.

There was a silence only broken by Genji’s imitation of throat clearing. Something that had amused them both when they were younger, because technically Genji couldn’t really do that anymore, hence the imitation.

‘I would like to say thank you, for the way you have handled this.’ Genji started.

Jesse knew this was going to be quite a conversation, and both of them slowed down their steps. ‘Sure, but I mean, what else can I possibly do? Hanzo told me his problem. The medical things I can’t handle, so we go to Angela.’

‘No, not that. You… Hanzo fully believed that you would not accept his gender, and thus he had always wanted to keep it a secret. Even when I _told_ him that I knew you better, and I know that you wouldn’t mind, or at least you won’t react the way he thinks you will.’

That was surprisingly unsurprising. Jesse had thought that Hanzo’s reluctance of admitting his problem was because he’s embarrassed that he was using illegal drugs. But it turned out that Hanzo was actually embarrassed that he was an omega? That seemed quite preposterous to him.

‘I … I mean, to be honest, I’d never expected him to be an omega. He did pretty well in being a beta that it never even crossed my mind. And he didn’t seem to be the kind of guy who looks down to omegas.’

Genji shook his head. ‘No, he does not look down to omegas. He only looks down on himself. As if he had chosen to be an omega, and had chosen to bring shame to the family. But he _was_ _born_ as an omega, and he was told all his life that being an omega means shame. He… still has a hard time changing that sort of thinking.’

Hearing that made Jesse sigh. Sometimes, when people are born at the wrong time, at the wrong place with the wrong culture, it would have needed a miracle for them to have a good life. Jesse was glad that his decisions in life had brought him here, and brought him Hanzo, but he would have done a lot of things if he could help Hanzo avoid all the grief and pain in his past.

‘But no matter what, I’ll still stick with Hanzo, unless he tires of me or something. After all, I courted him first, and he accepted. Even if now I realized that he is not who he said he was, I fell in love with _him,_ the person, nothing to do with his gender.’

‘Perhaps it would be good to let him know of that, as well.’

‘Sure, I’ll tell him every day, until he believes me.’

‘That, my friend, may take his whole lifetime.’

‘Then I’ll tell him throughout his whole life, or mine.’

When they reached the kitchen there was a surprising amount of people there. The young ones, Ana, Mei were all chatting with each other, but it was obvious that they were on the lookout for something.

That something was apparently Jesse, because the conversations stopped when Jesse entered the space with Genji. He was beckoned to approach their table, and after Genji assured him that he will gather the necessary food item for him to bring back to Hanzo, Jesse made his way to the small crowd.

‘Howdy everyone.’ He tipped his hat, and with a roll of her eyes, Ana gestured for him to sit down. He made himself comfortable, stealing some of Lena’s food while he’s at it, ignoring her outraged cries.

‘So, from what I can see now, I am guessing that you and Hanzo made up?’ Ana asked, curiosity tinted her tone.

Jesse debated what he should and shouldn’t tell. Of course Hanzo’s real gender was out – that was not his secret to tell. Nor should it be known that he had been taking the OK pills for almost his whole life. ‘Yeah, he told me what was botherin’ him. We didn’t _fix_ it, per se, but we’re definitely doing something.’

Ana frowned, but Hana beat her to asking ‘You need any help? We all saw how Hanzo was, when he was worrying about it. If there’s anything we can do…’

Jesse shook his head. ‘Nah, it’s sorta private, and we got it handled, for now. But I dunno…’ He paused, and the others let him, patiently waiting for him to gather his thoughts.

Yeah, for now the problem was handled. Hanzo’s getting some required treatment from Angela, but now that he was off the pills it meant that at some point in his life, Hanzo would need to deal with being an omega again. It wasn’t clear from Ang’s preliminary check-up when the effects of the pills will fade, or if it even would. So they had no clue whether Hanzo’s omega scent will return, or his heats. Or he could end up never getting those back.

Angela said she needed to do more testing and research, and at that point Jesse was only glad that Hanzo was off the pills. But it was now that he started to think about the consequences.

Such as when/if Hanzo starts to let off the omega pheromones, or have his heats again. From what he had heard from Hanzo’s story, it seemed like he had only had one heat before, and that’s his presentation heat. He wasn’t quite sure (he would have to ask Hanzo at some point).

And Jesse went to those usual sex-ed classes and talks, alright. Then ones that were deemed necessary. So he knew a lot about being an alpha, and a little about being an omega. And he had definitely heard about how one’s presentation heat would be mild compared to true heats, and that it’s definitely not recommended for an omega to not go through heats at least once a year, and that’s with certain health risks.

_But that’ll be something for later, and only for the both of them._

For now…

‘I guess… I ain’t sure, to be honest. All I can say that it’s a problem that Hanzo knew he was going to face but was trying his damn best to avoid. That’s why he’s a bit anxious and everything.’ Jesse started, ignoring Hana’s annoyed huff at _“a bit anxious”._ ‘Just treat him like normal, I guess. When he can handle being with y’all, or being outside.’

This was when Genji returned with a few containers of food. ‘Jesse, here.’

‘Thanks, Genji.’ He clapped his hand on Genji’s shoulder, and waved goodbye to the crowd.

‘Jesse!’ Hana called.

‘Yeah?’

‘Just let him know we’re worried about him, and we want him to feel better soon.’

‘Of course. See y’all later!’

* * *

Hanzo was asleep when he got back to the room. Jesse had knocked, but when there wasn’t a reply he quietly opened the door, and was blessed with Hanzo falling asleep in his bed. He wasn’t under the covers, and his hair was still up, if a bit messy. Jesse couldn’t help himself – he placed the food onto the bedside table, and went to his…

What was Hanzo to him, exactly? Before the fight, he would say they were boyfriends; he was serious about them and their relationship, but Jesse hadn’t had the chance to think too far ahead. He lived his life day by day, and it was clear Hanzo was the same. They fit together well, personality-wise and also in bed.

He knew that Hanzo had baggage from his past – no one here in Overwatch didn’t. But unlike some baggage that can be left buried in the past, it was unfortunate that Hanzo’s came creeping up on him like this.

He imagined that if he could get away with it, that Hanzo would have taken the pills for the rest of his life. And that really scared him.

Slowly Jesse moved onto the bed behind Hanzo, where he was curled up on his side. He snuggled up against him, taking his time arranging Hanzo to where he wanted him to be. When he finally got comfortable, he pressed a kiss on the back of Hanzo’s neck.

Hanzo must have been tired out, because he only shifted a little when Jesse moved him, when usually he would be awakened by these movements.

Jesse’s front was pressed against Hanzo’s back – Jesse’s favorite snuggling position. It gave him full access to Hanzo’s neck, and he can go full octopus on him, all four limbs encircling him. For Hanzo, it depended on his mood. If he wasn’t feeling good with himself, this position only served to make him think he was trapped, and he’ll shift so that they were face to face instead. But if he was good with this, his whole body will go soft and relaxed against Jesse’s, and it will always be the best thing Jesse ever felt.

To have Hanzo trusting him with his back, with his vulnerable spots.

They dozed for a while – the food will go cold, but they can always get more from the kitchen. He was reluctant to wake Hanzo up, but in the end, he did it anyway.

Gently he nudged Hanzo awake with soft caress and whispers. Watching as Hanzo slowly woke up was one of the best things Jesse had ever done, and he wouldn’t mind a repeat of it for the rest of his life.

* * *

Jesse had known that Hanzo was trying to distance himself, even while they were dating. Both of them agreed wordlessly that this was casual, and there were no promises about mating or marriage or bonding. Just two lonely people, being lonely together. And it had been great. Their temperament suited each other (well, after a short term of them trying things out and arguing for the sake of arguing, just to test each other), and Jesse would be lying if the sex wasn’t fantastic.

He meant, it could be better, but it had been great so far.

But it wasn’t just the sex that Hanzo was withholding. There were issues about his past that Jesse would like to know _before_ any permanent relationship was started. He didn’t need to know all the details, but he had talked to Hanzo enough that he knew there were certain triggers and situations that will make Hanzo uncomfortable. And to avoid doing that in the future, he needed at least a little information.

And Jesse knew almost exactly what Hanzo would be worried about. He would be thinking about how he had lied to everyone here in Overwatch, how he had lied to _Jesse._ He would worry about Jesse, now knowing what his gender was, would reject him. He would worry about if Overwatch would fire him from the team due to him being an omega.

It will take a while, maybe a very long time, before Hanzo can finally make peace with himself.

But Jesse can swear on his old momma’s name, that as long as Hanzo still wants, he will be with him each step of the way.

* * *

Hanzo woke up feeling… numb. But this was better than previous nights, days before. Days before were fear and anxiousness and anger. Now it was like all emotions had left him.

He was sleeping on his side, and there was a pressure on his stomach. Opening his eyes and looking down told him that there was someone hugging from behind, and the warmth seeping from behind him corroborated that.

It was Jesse. He was the only one, other than Genji, to be able to sleep with him without Hanzo’s fight or flight instinct going crazy.

Hanzo sighed, remarkably feeling just a little better, and sank down against Jesse’s warmth. No matter what he had feared from before, no matter what he thought he was sure to happen…

The fact that Jesse remained, when he knew the truth, gave him such assurance that his eyes closed without his conscious decision.

He had missed this. He had missed _him._ And having Jesse back with him, even for a while, was _amazing._

The change of breath and his movement must have woken Jesse up. The man behind him shifted a little, trying to get more comfortable. With his arms around Hanzo’s stomach, Hanzo was moved along with him. Kicking at the blankets, Jesse pushed out the folds of the blanket that had separated their legs. He then sleepily slid one of his legs in between Hanzo’s, all while nuzzling into Hanzo’s neck.

Hanzo could smell food, but it was so faint that either he had imagined it, or all scent had faded.

He could smell Jesse, his typical scent was a little muskier than usual. More _alpha_ than usual. He was certain that was just his own imagination – he hadn’t even started to come off the drug yet, there was no way any of his omega senses (including scent) returned to him.

He could feel his hunger – the emptiness in your stomach that told you that you’re just minutes away from it growling and announcing your hunger. This was something that was also absent for a while now. When he was panicking and worrying about the drugs, his body had no time to worry about _hunger._ He ate only because he had set the timer for himself to grab food when he was sure no one would be in the kitchen.

He could feel Jesse’s warm body behind him, the pressure on his back, on his stomach. His breath brushing against his neck, and he shivered. His partner, who hadn’t left even though he was lied to, even though he certainly didn’t come into this relationship to be with an omega. Omegas are always such a bother to their partners – heats, being weak, easy prey. But Jesse was still here.

The arms around his stomach squeezed lightly. Sheets rustled as Jesse impossibly moved _closer_ to him.

‘Nnn Han-‘ The man rumbled. Hanzo hummed in reply.

‘Ya good?’

No matter what everything else was, this was the one thing that got to Hanzo.

The fact that he was half asleep, and he was still trying to make sure Hanzo was alright.

_Dear lord, I really adore him._

‘Yeah, I’m good…’

_But sometimes, just because you have_ one beloved one _in your corner, doesn’t mean that all problems just go away._

_What it meant was, that you have someone who can be with you every step of the way._

‘Yes, I’m good for now.’

**Author's Note:**

> I swear to god, I see other people churning out 100k words fic in like a year or less, and here I am with a 30k fic, which I started writing during Feb of 2018.  
> I'm both disappointed at myself for taking so long, and proud of myself for finishing it. 
> 
> Thanks for dropping by :))
> 
> *BTW forgive me for the switching between UK and US English. In my country, both are used commonly, and while I usually type in UK English, the Grammarly I use is set as US English, I think, and I can't be bothered to change it. So yeah :D


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